What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.
How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.
How long does a harp stay in tune?
About twenty minutes, or until someone opens the door.
What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A bad oboist can kill you.
Lets tell jokes!!
I'll start...
-
Apache 64D
- Classic
- Posts: 643
- Joined: October 2006
- Location: Avondale College
- Contact:
Those are so funny! (Everyone's, I mean)OK, here's one...
A man was walking home one night, and as he passed in front of an apartment building he saw a drunk man lying in the gutter. He said, "Tell me where you live, and I'll take you home." The drunk man said he lived in the apartment building, and gave his room number. So the first man helped him inside and up the stairs. But as they were going down the hallway, the man thought, "I'm not sure I want to do this. If he has a wife, she might not be very happy with me bringing her husband home in this condition." So he pushed the drunk man through the nearest open door.
He went back downstairs and outside, where he found another drunk man, in even worse condition than the first. So he said, "Tell me where you live, and I'll take you home." The drunk man said he lived in the apartment building, and gave his room number. So the first man helped in inside and up the stairs. But as he helped the drunk man down the hallway, he again thought, "I don't know if I want to do this. If he has a wife, she won't be happy with me bringing him home in this condition." So he pushed the man into the nearest open doorway.
Then he went back downstairs and outside, where he found a third drunk man, in even worse condition than the first two. So he said, "Tell me where you live, and I'll take you home."
The drunk man hurried over to a nearby policeman and exclaimed, "Officer, help me! This man's been pushing me down the elevator shaft all evening!"
-
Smaug the Dragon
- If posts were pigs...
- Posts: 2191
- Joined: August 2006
- Location: is brea liom m'áit dúchais
](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall"){kind=small}
~STRYPER
A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
Wow, I love jokes like this! I even heard a new lame joke last night, courtesy of Lizzy's dad. I was visiting, and she told me the joke, and then later her dad wanted to know if I had heard it yet. He's so funny! I think I'm mistelling it slightly, because it seemed longer before, but hopefully it will still be funny, in a lame kind of way. 
A man was walking down the street with only one shoelace tied, and somebody stopped him to ask him why he only had one lace tied. The man said that he was merely following the instructions on the shoes... they said Taiwan.
(Say it out loud).
Darnit, that one didn't work right...Cowgirl wrote:what do you mean updog?
Someone was supposed to reply saying "What's updog?" (without noticing that they had just used the slang term for asking what is going on in someone's life) and I'd reply "Nothing much, how about you?"
Yeah, it works better when you're doing it in real life.
Sarah
HAHA Good One!!! It worked Beautifully On my mom and sis!Sarah wrote:Darnit, that one didn't work right...Cowgirl wrote:what do you mean updog?
Someone was supposed to reply saying "What's updog?" (without noticing that they had just used the slang term for asking what is going on in someone's life) and I'd reply "Nothing much, how about you?"
Yeah, it works better when you're doing it in real life.
Sarah
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Proof Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power = Work/Time.
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we get;
Knowledge = Work/Money
Solving for money, we find
Money = Work/Knowledge
The greater your knowledge, the more work you have to do for your money. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.
Proof Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power = Work/Time.
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we get;
Knowledge = Work/Money
Solving for money, we find
Money = Work/Knowledge
The greater your knowledge, the more work you have to do for your money. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.