One of the best examples I can give you of a proper courtship is to show you how Boaz (BO-AZ) and Ruth courted in the book of Ruth in the Bible.
GURU NOTE: Please read the blog on the “Seven Phases of a Godly Courtship.” The violation of any phase will hinder fulfillment and communication in a marriage. In a marriage covenant, the man is to be the initiator and the woman is to be the responder. These phases are seen from Boaz’s perspective in the book of Ruth.
Please quote non-original material. Thanks! -LITEST ONE: HIS DESIRE TO LEARN ABOUT HER FAMILY
“Then said Boaz unto his servant…Whose damsel is this?” (Ruth 2:5).
1. THE RICHNESS OF HIS PREPARATION
Boaz was a “…mighty man of wealth…” (Ruth 2:1).
The discipline of character that produces financial responsibility is an essential prerequisite for a happy marriage and a fruitful wife. This is precisely the instruction of Proverbs 24:27. “Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house.”
I know a guy who was engaged to get married at the age of 19. He was struggling to be a professional boxer and spent most of his money on nutritional supplements to help pump his muscles. On top of that, he never even bothered to save any of the little money he was making working at the gym. He was often times going without food for himself because he could not afford it, yet he felt he was ready to be married.
Well, soon he broke up with his love and was heart-broken. I told him, “When you can support yourself, then you can think about getting a wife.” He hasn’t listened to that, but he is saving more money now than he was before.
You see, one begins at the wrong end when he begins with building a house before he can afford to do so. The lessons that a man learns in wisely handling finances will not only build character essential for a successful marriage, but will also provide the understanding of Scripture that is necessary for his spiritual leadership within the marriage. Boaz was wise with his money.
“If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon [money], who will commit to your trust the true riches [the fine gold of Scripture, the ruby of a virtuous wife, and the treasures of Godly children]?” (Luke 16:11).
2. THE QUIET INFLUENCE OF HER VIRTUE
“And Ruth said [to her mother-in-law], Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and they God my God” (Ruth 1:16).
Virtue is the Godly influence which our lives exert on the lives of those around us. This influence is often without our knowledge because it is a by-product of our focus on Christ and His character.
Ruth had already surrendered her expectations for marriage when she made her decision to serve her mother-in-law. Thus, when she went to glean in the field, she was not trying to impress a potential husband. She was serving her mother-in-law.
The Godly influence, however, that she exerted on the reapers and their foreman is obvious from the good report which the foreman gave of Ruth when Boaz asked who she was.
God compares a virtuous woman with the rarest and most valuable of all gems--a translucent ruby. “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).
TEST TWO: HIS DESIRE TO PROVIDE FOR HER AND PROTECT HER
“Then said Boaz unto Ruth…abide here fast by my maidens…have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? And when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn” (Ruth 2:8-9).
Ruth was out in a hot field picking wheat with hundreds of other people, and Boaz made sure that no other man harmed her while she worked. He also made sure she had plenty to drink whenever she became thirsty.
1. THE MATURITY OF HIS LEADERSHIP
“And, behold, Boaz came from Beth-lehem, and said unto the reapers, The Lord be with you. And they answered him, The Lord bless thee” (Ruth 2:4).
Mature leadership is concerned first of all with the need of those under his care and secondly with the job to be accomplished. The first statement of Boaz was not “How much have you harvested?” but “May the Lord be with you in all that you do.” He understood that if his workers were in right relationship with the Lord they would be in right relationship to him and the job to be done.
Boaz also realized that he must be the spiritual example of what he wanted in the lives of his workers. A further mark of Boaz’s mature leadership is that he appointed an orderly structure of authority and then consistently worked through it, rather than going around it. “Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers…” (Ruth 2:5). Mature leadership is essential for a successful marriage.
2. THE EXAMPLE OF HER DILIGENCE
“And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi [her mother], Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn…” (Ruth 2:2).
Gleaning was the occupation of the poor. Ruth’s diligence in finding food for her mother-in-law is the same quality that Abraham’s servant sought in the bride that he was to select for Isaac (see Genesis 24:14). This is also the quality praised of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. “She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands……[She] eateth not the bread of idleness” (Proverbs 31:13, 27).
Ruth’s diligence is affirmed by the foreman of Boaz’s field. He reported that Ruth worked continually “from the morning until now,” and that she only rested a short time in the shelter.
A woman’s fulfillment will only come as she experiences the purposes for which God made her. Thus, for a woman, fulfillment comes by learning how to be a successful helpmeet. Skill in this area must be developed while single, even though God has given a natural talent for it.
TEST THREE: HIS DESIRE TO BE WITH HER AND TALK TO HER
“And Boaz said unto her, At mealtime come thou hither, and eat of the bread, and dip thy morsel in the vinegar. And she sat beside the reapers: and he reached her parched corn, and she did eat, and was sufficed, and left” (Ruth 2:14).
1. HIS COMMITMENT TO GODLY CHARACTER
“And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore” (Ruth 2:11).
The character qualities which Boaz recognized and rewarded in Ruth began with loyalty. A mature man knows that if a girl is not loyal to her family, she will not be loyal to him. Genuine loyalty results in self-sacrifice and a resilience from personal loss.
2. THE GENUINENESS OF HER GRATEFULNESS
“Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger” (Ruth 2:10).
Ruth had a genuine spirit of gratefulness because of a total lack of demands and expectations. She could have very easily said to God, “You owe me this food because of all that I have suffered and given up.”
Genuine gratefulness is one of the most attractive qualities in any woman and one of the most appreciated qualities by any man.
TEST FOUR: HIS WILLINGNESS TO LET TIME CONFIRM HIS IMPRESSIONS
“So she kept fast by the maidens of Boaz to glean unto the end of barley harvest and of wheat harvest; and dwelt with her mother in law” (Ruth 2:23).
1. HIS PROPER EXPRESSIONS OF FAVOR
“The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust” (Ruth 2:12). Boaz recognized that anyone whom he would favor should also be one whom God wants to favor.
“And when she was risen up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, Let her glean even among the sheaves, and reproach her not: And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not” (Ruth 2:15-16).
Boaz demonstrated wisdom in the way that he showed favor to Ruth. By doing it quietly through his reapers, he avoided resentment toward him and her. When favor is properly given to those who deserve it, others share in the joy of it and in the gratefulness for it.
The ultimate test of showing favor is that God is glorified. “…Naomi [her mother] said unto her daughter in law, Blessed be he of the Lord, who hath not left off his kindness to the living and to the dead…” (Ruth 2:20).
2. THE CONSISTENCY OF HER SUBMISSION
“And Naomi said unto Ruth her daughter in law, It is good, my daughter, that thou go out with his maidens, that they meet thee not in any other field. So she kept fast by the maidens of Boaz…” (Ruth 2:22-23).
Ruth was blessed by God because she remained under the protection of her God-ordained authorities. Initially she asked her mother-in-law’s permission to glean. “…Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she [Naomi] said unto her, Go, my daughter” (Ruth 2:2).
She continued to remain under the protection of her mother-in-law by reviewing with her the instructions that Boaz had given to her.
A woman with true obedience continues to keep her God-given authorities involved in decision-making even when those decisions seem obvious at the moment. This allows the authorities to rejoice in God’s blessing and to be well-informed for the next counsel to be given.
Ruth’s spirit of obedience was also demonstrated when she came to the field to glean. The law allowed the poor to glean, and she could have simply demanded her legal right. Instead, she asked the foreman for permission to glean.
TEST FIVE: HIS DESIRE TO ASSUME THE FULL RESPONSIBILITIES OF MARRIAGE
“…If he will not do the part of a kinsman to thee, then will I do the part of a kinsmen to thee, as the Lord liveth…” (Ruth 3:13).
1. HIS DECISIVENESS WITH RIGHT TIMING
“And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest…” (Ruth 3:11).
Ruth had just appealed to him to fulfill his kinsman’s responsibility following the instructions of her mother-in-law. Accordingly, he would need to redeem Naomi’s husband’s land and marry Ruth for the purpose of continuing the name of Naomi’s husband. Boaz was aware of this potential responsibility and had determined that he would become the kinsman-redeemer if Naomi and Ruth requested it.
He had also determined the hindrance to his becoming the kinsmen-redeemer, and he had evaluated the effect of the decision on the entire community. “…I will do to thee all that thou requires: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman” (Ruth 3:11).
Boaz’s decisiveness was perceived by Naomi when she assured her daughter-in-law the next morning, “…Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day” (Ruth 3:18).
2. THE COURAGE OF HER WILLING RESPONSE
“Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her, My daughter, shall I not seek rest for thee, that it may be well with thee?…Behold, [Boaz]…winnowed barley to night in the threshing floor. Wash thy self therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking…
“And [Ruth]…said unto her, All that thou sayest unto me I will do” (Ruth 3:1-3, 5).
God had blessed Ruth through Boaz, and her mother-in-law had given her precise directions on how to approach Boaz for marriage according to the customs of that day. However, Ruth had to know in her heart that it was right, and she had to be willing to do it. God never forces a person to get married through the influence of his or her authorities, because the very nature of love requires a choice. Responding to love must also be done with propriety, without giving any appearance of evil.
TEST SIX: HIS WILLINGNESS TO LET GOD STOP THE MARRIAGE AS HE PLACED IT IN THE HANDS OF THEIR AUTHORITIES
“…There is a kinsman nearer than I…If he will perform unto thee the part of a kinsman, well; let him do the kinsman’s part: but if he will not do the part of a kinsman to thee, then will I do the part of a kinsman to thee.” (Ruth 3:12-13).
Ruth had been married before, but her husband died. Ruth was now a widow, and it was up to the kinsman, the closest to her husband, to marry her and take possession of her property as his inheritance. Boaz was ready to marry Ruth, but he could not unless her kinsman agreed to let her go.
1. HIS PUBLIC THOROUGHNESS ABOVE REPROACH
“And Boaz said unto the elders, and unto all the people, Ye are witnesses this day, that I have bought all that was Elimelech’s…Moreover Ruth the Moabitess, the wife of Mahlon, have I purchased to be my wife, to raise up the name of the dead upon his inheritance…And all the people that were in the gate, and the elders, said, We are witnesses. The Lord make the woman that is come into thine house like Rachel and like Leah…” (Ruth 4:9-11).
Boaz followed every law, statute, and custom in the legal and social setting of the city gate. He made sure that there were ample witnesses who would not only give him and Ruth their blessing but would spread the good news to everyone else in the city. Boaz had already earned the respect of all the people in the city, and Ruth was admired because of her dedication to Naomi and her reputation as a virtuous woman.
Now everyone was able to rejoice when they saw Godly motives toward their marriage and the spiritual potential which their union could have for the Lord’s people. “And let thy house be like the house of Pharez, whom Tamar bare unto Judah, or the seed which the Lord shall give thee of this young woman” (Ruth 4:12).
2. HER COMMITMENT TO MARRIAGE PURPOSES
“…I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman” (Ruth 3:9). By asking Boaz to be her kinsman-redeemer, Ruth was demonstrating her commitment to God’s purposes in marriage and her devotion to her remaining family.
Ruth was no longer bound by the marriage vows to her first husband. However, she now had an opportunity to honor her dead husband’s name, protect his property, and fulfill one the goals of their marriage by marrying the kinsman and raising up a child to inherit her first husband’s land.
Boaz was deeply impressed with her willingness to overlook more attractive offers for marriage in order to fulfill the spirit of her original vows. “And he said, Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich” (Ruth 3:10).
TEST SEVEN: GOD’S BLESSING UPON THE MARRIAGE, FAMILIES, AND WORLD WHEN HIS ORDER OR COURTSHIP HAS BEEN FOLLOWED
“The book of the generation of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham…And Salmon begat Booz [Boaz] of Rachab; and Booz [Boaz] begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse; And Jesse begat David…” (Matthew 1:1-6; see also Luke 3:31-32).
“So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the Lord gave her conception, and she bare a son. And the women said unto Naomi, Blessed be the Lord, which hath not left thee this day without a kinsman, that his name may be famous in Israel. And he shall be unto thee a restoror of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age: for thy daughter in law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath borne him. And Naomi took the child, and laid it in her bosom, and became nurse unto it. And the women her neighbors gave it a name, saying, There is a son born to Naomi and they called his name Obed: he is the father of Jesse, the father of David” (Ruth 4:13-17).