Top's Lengthy Toho Kaiju Film Reviews

[The Top Crusader]

Ever since I was but a young lad and saw Godzilla VS The Sea Monster on TBS’s Super Scary Saturday hosted by Grandpa Munster right after NWA Saturday morning wrestling, I have had a fascination with giant monster movies. I admit at this point in my life my interest is more nostalgia for childhood favorites than excitement over newer releases, yet I still find myself buying every VHS, DVD, and yes, now Blu-ray that I come across. Is this a terrible waste of money? Yes! However, as my catalogue of films increases and my interest in actually watching them goes down, I thought maybe I could get some use out of them by going through and reviewing them.

My first goal then is to go through my entire Toho science fiction filmography in chronological order (or at least close to it). This will cover the Godzilla franchise mainly, as well as other well known (as far as giant monsters go) entities like Rodan and Mothra and King Kong’s leasing to Japan. Also in my collection is more obscure things like Atragon, Varan, Yog, and Frankenstein Conquers the World.

Upon completing that painfully large collection of films, I hope to move on to the Daiei films featuring Gamera, if I’ve survived that long. Heh.

It might get tough along the road and I’ll take a break and cover some more traditional Western science fiction or horror films… we’ll see! Either way, I hope you enjoy the ride (if you’ve managed to make it through my unnecessarily lengthy introduction.)!

*****

Godzilla, King of the Monsters, 1956 [Americanized version of Gojira, 1954]

“Well, it’s big… and terrible.”

What’s the point of this film?

There were a few giant dinosaur type films before 1933, but King Kong was a smash hit that made the giant monster on the loose genre popular. Two decades later, King Kong was still a popular film in Japan, and Toho Studios liked money… so they decided to make a giant monster film of their own, headed up by director Ishiro Honda. Claymation was considered, because it worked pretty awesomely for King Kong, but that stuff costs money! Lots of it! So it was decided to go with a guy in a monster suit, and a handful of shots with a puppet.

Godzilla certainly has a reputation as being silly and childish, and through the 1960’s and especially the 1970’s, this reputation is well deserved, however in his initial outing Godzilla was an allegory for the nuclear devastation visited upon Japan at the end of World War II. The original Japanese version of the film is more heavy-handed in this regard, obviously the Americans didn’t want to feel bad about the end of the war, but the feeling is still there in the film, if more on the backburner. The Japanese version is probably a better film by most standards, but I chose to refer the Americanized version due partially to nostalgia, but primarily because its easier to take notes while watching the movie if I’m not trying to read subtitles at the same time!

So we have the same story, and lots of the same footage, but Raymond Burr of Perry Mason and Ironside fame was hired to shoot additional footage. He was never actually on the same set as any of the other main characters. And yes, it IS noticeable, but they do a decent job overall I suppose.

So, what happens?

Godzilla, King of the Monsters comes on the screen, looking like the title screen of the NES game that came quite a few decades later.

Then we get scenes of destruction, looking almost like World War II aftermath. The special effects team led by Eiji Tsuburaya did a good job of making it look realistic here.

Raymond Burr is under a beam. But now he is Steve Martin, a reporter for United World News, who had stopped in Tokyo for a social call on his way to Cairo. Yeah, Steve Martin. To be fair, this was many years before the comedian began his career, but its amusing to hear his name throughout the film. He apparently tries to do a push up, then passes out.

Next we get glimpses of children being tested for radiation. Spooky stuff.

Emiko Yamane, daughter of Japan’s foremost paleontologist shows up to visit her friend Martin. “For some there is hope, for some there would be no tomorrow!” Martin says in voiceover. He also tells us of the odor of scorched flesh, sites of human wreckage!

Awesome stunt work as Emiko talks to Martin. Wondrously mis-dubbed conversation as the background behind her doesn’t really fit when it’s showing her face, and carefully only seeing the back of the stunt double when Martin is speaking.

Now, flashback to before the destruction…

Martin is on a plane, going to talk to Dr. Serizawa, his old college friend, who was gaining notoriety in the far East.

Meanwhile, thousands of feet below, a bunch of fisherman are having a rocking time playing music on the deck of their boat, when suddenly they hear a monstrous roar, and with a flash the vessel bursts into flames and is destroyed.

We get no glimpse of the monster, which is effective at this point in the film. The sad truth of this incident is it was based on the true story of the fishing boat “Lucky Dragon 5” that was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was caught in a nuclear test, shortly before filming began.

An assistant to Serizawa meets Martin at the airport to tell him the doctor conveniently is too busy to meet with him (he is never actually on screen with Dr. Serizawa, kind of a running them for the American inserts). The security briefly detains him to ask about seeing anything happening below from his flight.

Soon we go from one to eight ships destroyed in mysterious blasts of fire, and the staggering death toll causes all ships to be kept in harbor for the time being. What few survivors are found die soon after from both shock and “strange burns.”

Fortunately, at the big government meeting to discuss this urgent matter, they invite the previously mentioned leading Japanese paleontologist. He suggests the government ask questions to the natives of Odo Island. Seems legit. They are all pretty freaked out. They yell a lot, too. We even get to briefly see a man who looks he has a third small nipple on his chest.

Martin arrives on Odo Island and with the help of Dr. Serizawa’s assistant asks around. The guy they talk to says a horrible monster did it. Well, of course. Martin thinks this man has had too much sake, but the interpreter thinks that isn’t the case because the Islanders are very superstitious… okay? Their superstition apparently means if they see monsters its definitely true.

Then they get to witness a rare ceremony… one that was “all but forgotten!” If only, its pretty boring. Basically, some people dance around really slowly in robes and Richard Nixon masks. The natives say the monster’s name is “Gojira”, but Martin and his interpreter instantly refer to him as Godzilla. Ah well, it was meant to be apparently. The Islanders are certain Godzilla is the cause of these boat disasters.

Suddenly overnight, the wind picks up (has Godzilla developed a new SUPER WIND ability?). Soon though the rumble of footsteps is heard. Followed by a roar. Then we see a hut collapse on random people we don’t know and never hear from again. We get a wide shot of the Island as wind and waves crash against it, and some poor kid’s toy helicopter gets destroyed. Or… wait, that was supposed to be a real helicopter.

Dr. Yamane speaks to the Japanese Council (in English for some reason) and says they should send a scientific expedition to the Island. Martin asks to go along.

For some reason there is a big party with streamers and a band playing as the expedition boat leaves for Odo Island (and why are they still using ships at all? I thought they had to stay at bay? They forgot they had aircraft as well apparently.).

Meanwhile, we get to the romantic subplot of Emiko and Ogata, a young marine officer. This makes up most of the human drama in the original cut of the film, but it takes about a half hour to get to it at all, and its much more abridged in the American cut. Emiko had been engaged to Dr. Serizawa… but was now in love with Ogata. It was “the usual triangle.” According to Martin. Martin has a strange sense of what is usual, but oh well. I read up on Raymond Burr after watching the movie and apparently his publicist would have him make up random marriages and even a dead child to hide his homosexuality, so I guess he has a different sense of what is normal for couples to encounter.

On the island they find a really big radioactive footprint. Good times. They do have the foresight then to tell the crowd the ground is radioactive and dangerous and they make them get back a few steps… but all the scientist people just stand in it. They find some trilobite thing in the footprint, but then… they start sounding a bell (well, they try, it doesn’t ring very well, they just hit it with a hammer and it weakly clangs) to announce Godzilla has returned to the island.

Finally we get a glimpse of Godzilla as he peeks over a mountainside at frightened people running away. Looks like they used a puppet instead of the usual man in a rubber suit for this particular scene. Fortunately a couple dudes with samurai swords are standing around in case things get out of hand, but after roaring at the people Godzilla goes back into the water without further incident.

We then get the paleontologist giving an exciting slide show of dinosaur stuff, explaining the origin of Godzilla and telling us he is over 400 feet tall. Oddly, he is extremely taller than any dinosaur ever. He quickly explains that Godzilla was likely frozen in the water and resurrected due to repeated H bomb tests. We are told in later movies this is why he is insanely huge, but they didn’t bother mentioning that now. Not to mention why he is radioactive and shoots an atomic ray from his mouth. I guess Dr. Yamane thought this went without saying at the time.

“Well, it’s big… and terrible. More frightening then I ever thought possible.” Martin tells his editor in Chicago. Martin says the new plan is to use sonar and hit Godzilla with depth bombs.

Finally Martin and Dr. Serizawa catch up via phone (so they don’t have to bother getting a stunt double for him), and we ominously hear Serizawa’s tests are done. Serizawa is cool because he has an eye patch, like an Asian Nick Fury. Martin wants to have dinner with Serizawa that night, but the doctor asks to move it to tomorrow… because his fiancée Emiko is coming over, and she says she has something important to tell him. Martin is kind of a jerk and doesn’t mention to his friend that he know of an “usual triangle” and Emiko is also seeing the marine guy.

Now we see Emiko and Dr. Serizawa talking (she refers to him formally as Dr. Serizawa even though they are engaged). We learn they had an arranged marriage from birth. So, okay, she seems a tad less bit of a jerk for seeing the other guy I suppose. Just as she is about to break the news to him that she wants out of the engagement, he tells her he has something even MORE important to tell her, and takes her down to his laboratory. He puts a little capsule thing into his big fish tank and it starts bubbling up. Was it Alka-Seltzer? No, it was his new invention the OXYGEN DESTROYER. It kills all the fish. Emiko cries. Poor fish. Then she leaves without bothering to mention she is leaving him for another man.

Big battleships go out and use the depth charges. Dr. Yamane gets mad and goes in his room and sulks because he doesn’t want Godzilla to be destroyed. Despite not finding a body, the next day everyone just assumed Godzilla was dead and started rejoicing. Some cruise boat full of people drinking and dancing soon spots Godzilla popping up out of the ocean. They realize they were pretty dumb for not waiting until things were verified a little better.

Godzilla is swimming into Tokyo Bay, so all available military race to meet him there. The heavy artillery seems reasonable enough at this point… not so much the troops with standard issue rifles. Ah well.

At last, Godzilla splish-splashes into the bay and the military opens fire, meanwhile the citizens of Tokyo are fleeing the opposite way on foot for the most part. This might prove to not be a bad idea, as Godzilla puts his foot down on a train track and stops a passenger train dead in its tracks. He briefly chews on a train car for good measure, even. He tips over a couple of bridges, then became bored apparently and went back out into Tokyo Bay.

The next day while they await another attack, it’s pointed out that power lines surround the city. Well, okay. Those should have been there last night. But they think the electricity should stop Godzilla, so that seems cool.

Nightfall comes, and Martin is hanging out in the press building where he has a good view of Tokyo. It doesn’t take long for Godzilla to show up.

At last Godzilla makes it to the great power lines that are sure to save the city. And he doesn’t really seem to mind them and just knocks them down. Well… that was anticlimactic. Figured he’d at least pause for a few moments. They apparently annoy him a bit, though, since he decides to unleash his atomic breath on them and melt them into nifty metal scrap.

From there he starts lighting up buildings, which burn instead of melt, so that’s always fun. He also disintegrates some of the people still fleeing the city (they have been fleeing a good 24 hours by now at a steady rate… guess it is a big city, but gee…).

At last the tanks arrive and open fire. Well, at least Godzilla notices these as well, compared to the smaller artillery earlier. A quick atomic flame and the tanks are gone in short order. “Neither man nor his machines are able to stop this creature.” Martin tells his tape recorder. “Godzilla has turned the heart of Tokyo into a sea of fire… beneath the flames thousands lie dead or dying.”

Finally, right after signing off on his tape recorder, Martin’s building collapses around him.

Godzilla goes back to the bay, now that Martin is no longer reporting, and starts to head out, destroying some things on the way. Then finally the Japanese Air Force attacks him. Not sure why they didn’t show up sooner. You would think they would arrive before the tanks. Better late than never, though… well, at least if they had done something worthwhile it might have been better. They fired a bunch of missiles that mostly missed, is all. Godzilla will tolerate no more of this foolishness and swims away.

Now we come full circle to where the movie opened, the scenes of destruction and people injured from Godzilla’s assault on Tokyo. Emiko and the marine Ogata show up to talk to Martin… sort of. The backs of stunt doubles with random cuts to close ups of their faces do, at least. Not quite as bad as some of the Bruce Lee footage inserted in Game of Death, but not entirely masterfully done, either. They are kind enough to tell Martin about the Oxygen Destroyer created by Dr. Serizawa. I guess rather then going to the government in the midst of crisis it would make more sense to fill in an American reporter who is an acquaintance to the family. They decide they need to beg Dr. Serizawa to let the military use the Oxygen Destroyer to kill Godzilla.

Emiko and Ogata go to the doctor to try to talk him into it (seems kind of jerky to bring the guy you are leaving him for, but whatever). Dr. Serizawa refuses, so they start tussling around. After bloodying up Ogata, they sit down and talk about it. Serizawa fears if the government gets their hands on his formula they could end up using it for evil. I guess the Japanese military wasn’t really the kindest, gentlest bunch back a few years earlier in World War II, afterall. Ogata tells him, “You have your fear that might become reality, and you have Godzilla… which is reality.” Believe that, playah! Serizawa sobs, and a nationwide prayer goes out over the television as a kind of creepy children’s choir sings and footage of destruction and the injured are shown.

The doctor is apparently moved, and tells them he will allow the Oxygen Destroyer to be used… but this will be the only time… he burns the formula for it. And Emiko starts weeping again. Heh, women.

Later, Martin is patched up and on the boat that all the other major players of the film are on (although, not on screen at the same time, of course.). Ogata and Serizawa descend in old-timey diving suits into the water with the Oxygen Destroyer, and Emiko and her father Dr. Yamani stand on deck looking worried. The two guys underwater spot Godzilla sleeping on the floor of the ocean and make their way towards him with the weapon. Godzilla gets up and starts rummaging around, possibly searching for a breakfast burrito, while the two men get in position and are ready to ascend. Ogata gives the signal on his line and they pull him up. Dr. Serizawa… doesn’t. Serizawa stares down Godzilla with his one good eye (although Godzilla doesn’t really notice, he’s just chillin’), and sets off the Oxygen Destroyer. Godzilla begins thrashing as the doctor looks on, and Ogata shouts for Serizawa to surface. “Ogata… it is working! Live happily with Emiko. Good bye.” With that, he cuts his line, as the crewman vigorously try to pull him up.

Then on the surface the water begins to boil, as Godzilla surfaces, writhing in agony, then falls back below the surface. As the churning water clears, we see a quick shot of his skeleton lying on the ocean floor. Well, that’s the end of THAT chapter! No more Godzilla ever again! Heh.

“People of the world, Godzilla is dead!” is announced over a loudspeaker or something. Ogata tells Emiko that the doc wanted them to be happy together. And she begins crying again. Of course. All the crewman pull off their hats, presumably to honor the death of Dr. Serizawa, but maybe they were rooting for Godzilla to destroy civilization. We aren’t expressly told why Serizawa decides to off himself… he apparently caught on to his fiancée having an affair since he told them to be happy together (I don’t think anyone ever got around to telling him), so maybe he did it out of sorrow. Or maybe he was worried that if he was alive the government would force him to reproduce the formula for the Oxygen Destroyer and use it for EVIL! Or maybe while they were underwater he realized they had never put a remote detonator on the thing so SOMEONE had to stay down there to set it off. We will never really know…

Martin intones: “The menace was gone, but so was a great man. But the whole world could wake up and live again!”

THE END! Godzilla roar! Roll credits!

So how is it?

First of all I think I’d have to recommend this film for no other reason that it’s the first Godzilla film… it spawned a series of films that has lasted longer and has more entries than the James Bond franchise. That’s definitely impressive, regardless of how the quality has spiked and dived over the decades.

While the film will provide moments to snicker at, it really does do a good job of intoning the destruction of World War II and sense of hopelessness in the aftermath scenes. A lot of the silliness in this film is derived from the Americanization of the source material and is absent in the original uncut version.

The puppet is a little iffy looking, but the Godzilla suit is top notch as far as giant montser suits go. It was the first of its kind, so there is room for improvement, but they do a good job of not focusing too much on the monster and allowing you to see any flaws… all the rampaging takes place at night. Now it’s not to the extent of Cloverfield by any means, you definitely DO see plenty of Godzilla, but he’s not dancing around nonstop in your face like in later entries. The atomic ray effects leave a little to be desired, its basically a stream of smoke coming from Godzilla’s mouth, not the awesome rays we’ll see later, but for the time they aren’t bad. I think its important to be fair and consider the technology they had to work with, even if you can fault them for having a small budget.

The miniatures, like in most Toho films, are really top notch overall. The buildings crumble and burn realistically, the power lines melt, it’s all good looking stuff. I’m not sure where the reputation of “cardboard” sets comes from, it definitely isn’t here.

The score is by Akira Ifukube who would do most of the Toho science fiction films from the 50’s through the 90’s. It’s a good score, from the haunting drum beats to other pieces that will show up frequently in the series, although the traditional Godzilla theme hasn’t been written quite yet.

So yeah, this is worth seeing both for its film significance in starting the Godzilla franchise as well as giving a jolt to the giant monster movie genre. If that is completely not your thing, it’s a fascinating film from the perspective of being a haunting allegory of World War II… if you’re into that artsy stuff.

How can I get my hands on this masterpiece!?

If you’re into collecting, there are plenty of options to own your VERY OWN copy of this fine film.

Most recently, Criterion has put out a a great Blu-ray and DVD of the film, which features most prominently the original Japanese version, but contains the American version in its extras.

Classic Media also put out a very good version of the film, a double disc set with both the Japanese and American versions. You can get this pretty inexpensively by now, but for close to the cost of the Criterion you can pick up Classic Media’s seven movie boxset that contains this film as well as six others. Definitely more bang for your buck there.

Years before putting out that great DVD, Classic Media put out a really poop disk that just has the American version on it. Not much point to getting this one unless its dirt cheap.

The American cut reviewed here is also available on Netflix Instant as of this writing. The Japanese cut has been up there in the past but I don’t see it at the moment.

The Trailer!

[Taps]

Wow Top that was- very in depth. I might consider watching this film now

[bookworm]

This is going to be a great series, thanks Top!

[Shennifer]

Twas interesting. It was worth it to read Top's snarky comments mixed in with the review even if I've never actually seen any Godzilla films.

[The Top Crusader]

Godzilla Raids Again, 1955 [Americanized version, Gigantis the Fire Monster, 1959]

“That was a very terrible thing.”

What’s the point of this film?

Well, the first Godzilla film made lots and lot of money. Movie studios are fond of this phenomenon, it seems… so quickly after the success of the original film was realized Toho Studios rushed into development of a sequel.

Unfortunately, they killed off their main star at the end of the first film… so in the Japanese version it’s explained that coincidently another “Godzilla” shows up shortly after the death of the first. Convenient enough, I suppose… although kind of sad to find out here that the monster we’ve known and loved for decades really only had one film and was replaced in the sequel. Or maybe no one really cares about that. Think of it as George Lazenby subbing in for Sean Connery in one of the Bond films… at the end of the day its still the same character.

Now, the version we lucky Americans got of this film in 1959 isn’t quite the same. This is, of course, only the second Godzilla film, so it wasn’t really clear it was going to be such a huge franchise. Warner Bros. bought the film rights to Godzilla Raids Again but thought it would be incredibly awesome to rename Godzilla to Gigantis (maybe to explain away his death in the previous film?). Most of the silly cuts and changes they made are in tact on home video releases but at least Godzilla has been added back in to the title screen,which has a cheap 1980’s looking superimposed “Godzilla Raids Again” for the title instead of the old fashioned 1950’s monster font of “Gigantis, the Fire Monster.” They also edited out the wonderful Godzilla roar, making him sound like his opponent in the film, for no particularly good reason.

Also of interesting note: This is the first time Godzilla fights another monster (Angilas), and the last time a Godzilla movie would be filmed in black and white. Even more exciting… the American dub has a young George Takei doing voice work, slightly pre-dating his career as a guy who posts amusing images on Facebook all day.

So what happens?

The first thing we see is stock footage of a hydrogen bomb going off! Yay! A voice over tells us that deadly rockets and missiles are taking off daily, which we are fortunate enough to see footage of many of them. Some is real newsreel footage stuff, other is pulled from random other films and looks considerably putrid.

GODZILLA RAIDS AGAIN comes on screen, in crumby super-imposed 80’s font! Credits rolls and we see some interesting footage of the burning city.

The film really gets going and we are introduced to the small village that is the focus of the film, and the airplane owned by the cannery company that is scouting for tuna over the ocean. All this is explained to us in a voice over by Tsukioka, or main character. He has just spotted a big school of tuna! His girlfriend is working the other end of the radio. Ah, another romance.

Another plane from the same company is being piloted by the main guy’s buddy, Kobayashi. His engine goes dead! Tsukioka goes looking for him, and finds a little section of islands, where he finds the spot that Kobayashi had landed. He lands and they have a lovely discussion. “Trying to please a woman is like swimming the ocean!” Then, they hear a monster roar. Gigantis… err…. Godzilla is looking down at them! Except he doesn’t sound anything like Godzilla, because Warner Bros. thought it would be awesome to edit it his iconic roar. The two pilots see there is another monster, as well. Godzilla and Angilas are doing battle on this tiny island!

Angilas is somewhat of a mutant ankylosaurus… he has a spiky back and goes around on all fours. Except he really just crawls on his knees, not really using his back feet. Because he’s a guy in a monster suit. Deal with it.

After a quick skirmish, the monsters topple over a cliff and continue the fight underwater, giving the guys a chance to escape.

Back in civilization, the authorities have them look at picture books of dinosaurs so they can identify what they saw. Japan’s foremost paleontologist from the last film is there, Dr. Yamane! He sits quietly as the others talk about the mean things these dinosaurs are capable of. We find out Angilas has several brains throughout his body!

Finally, the wise Dr. Yamane speaks! He tells us no one knows how to destroy the monsters. How helpful. He fortunately brought a film of Godzilla’s attack on Tokyo from the last film, so we can compare it to Gigantis and see destruction in general. The film reel starts with the formation of the world; fortunate they had a cameraman there. Then we see terrible dinosaur puppets. And then some really bad dinosaur suits. Finally we get some nice Godzilla footage, some neat highlights from his rampage through Tokyo. “That was a very terrible thing.” He also recaps that Dr. Serizawa created the Oxygen Destroyer that killed the first creature, but died in the process so we have no known weapon to defeat the creatures. Uplifting pep talk there, Yamane.

We go to Tsukioka and his girlfriend talking about the situation. “Ah, banana oil!” exclaims Tsukioka. George Takai would later explain that was all they could come up with to match the mouth movement. Sadly the phrase would not go on to enter the lexicon of the Western world.

Troops are mobilized to attempt to take out the monsters. We see the Japanese command center with their big map and military units in certain placements… as well as a silly looking little wooden dinosaur marking Gigantis’ position.

Gigantis misses Osaka on his first pass, and much like happened in the last film, once the danger is momentarily passed they all start dancing and celebrating. It was a national holiday practically, we are told. I’m not sure why it doesn’t occur to them that the monster is alive and well and could turn around at any moment and head their way.

Mid-dance at a nightclub, this shocking horror is realized, as a loud speaker informs them that Gigantis is heading back to Osaka. Tsukioka and his girlfriend flee with the rest of the crowd, as Osaka goes into blackout (what monster doesn’t love a shiny city full of lights? Plus it helps emulate the bombings during World War II, which was only a year less fresh in the minds of the Japanese at this point in history than in the last film).

Tanks roll out into position, fighter jets soar overhead. Godzilla is swimming towards the shore! I now notice that Gigantis compared to Godzilla has terrible, terrible teeth. Perhaps braces are all that separate the two. The military shoots some flares into the sky and Godzilla is impressed by shiny things and heads back to sea. The defense force is quite happy and joyous about this. They talk happily about Gigantis being led into a trap, but all other mentions are just about him leaving the area once again.

Meanwhile, a prison truck is transporting some of the most dangerous criminals in the land! They kindly are moving them out of the possible path of destruction. Being the vile criminal scum that they are, they overpower the guards and fight to escape, running free in the streets of Osaka. I’m not sure how humorous its supposed to be, but the three that actually get away remind me of the Three Stooges. The other criminals are captured quickly. The three who get away hijack a truck but are pursued by the police.

Trying to escape, the truck loses control, does a pretty cool ramp stunt and crashes into the Osaka refinery, causing a huge explosion! Well, so much for the blackout. Godzilla sees it, and apparently this trap the military spoke of has yet to do anything, so he heads back to Osaka to frolic in the flames or whatever. The military opens fire (some nice shots of toy army men here) but it is has effective as the last time a monster attacked Japan.

As if on cue, Angilas shows up as well! Monster party! They waste no time in beginning to fight it out again. This of course leads to even more destruction as they tear through the city and Godzilla tries to roast Angilas with atomic breath. It doesn’t seem to bother Angilas too much, but the city around it doesn’t fare as well.

“Oh, my factory!” exclaims the owner of the cannery. Not really that noteworthy, but it reminded me of Bred lamenting “Oh, my car!” in Final Fight.

Godzilla and Angilas take a stand for green energy and topple another big refinery with smokestacks aplenty. We will find over the years that Godzilla is a big advocate for green energy and curbing pollution.

I could’ve sworn the three criminals died in the truck crash, but either I missed something or this was edited poorly. Maybe they jumped out when I was typing notes. Anyway, we see them again, running from the wrestling dinosaurs. They flee into a subway, but quickly MONSTER ACTION causes the whole subway to flood, and this time I am pretty sure the beloved three criminals have met their demise.

The battle carries over to a big giant pagoda building (the Osaka Castle, perhaps?), which is a bit of a running theme in later films. They fight around it for a while, and eventually Godzilla forces Angilas through it with some weird cracking effects. Finally, Godzilla bites the neck of Angilas and that does him in. Godzilla tips him over, exposing his soft underbelly, and kindly cremates him. Very efficient.

With that, Godzilla is satisfied and leaves back into the ocean.

The cannery offices have been devastated, so the next day the crew goes to clean up the place the best they can. They talk about opening a new office in Hokkaido. Another classic line from the banter therein: “All men are like fish in a woman’s net!”

Kobayashi invites Tsukioka to hang out with him at a weird gentleman’s club place, and they sing a rousing chorus of “We Won’t Come Home Until Morning.” I hope that was dubbed in and not there originally. As they are having a wonderful time a man in a business suit interrupts to tell them one of the cannery’s ships has been sunk, assuming it is Gigantis (they always seem quick to forget these monsters as soon as they are out of sight).

We hear that the UN is mobilizing against the monster, and we even get a cameo of the United States congress as they pass some anti-Gigantis bill or something.

Tsukioka is cruising in the sky looking for Godzilla, as his buddy Kobayashi hits on an office girl. He radios in that he has sited Godzilla so Kobayashi races out to meet up with him.

The two friends meet up in the sky and Tsukioka goes back to refuel and report to the military, while Kobayashi sticks around to keep an eye on Godzilla, who is standing around amid icy mountains below.

A bunch of military planes fly out to Godzilla and begin bombing him and the surrounding area, attempting to put an end to his vile reign of fear (that lasts as long as he is visible then quickly dissipates into national holidays).

The bombs just didn’t seem to be doing the trick, so Kobayashi does a suicide dive at Godzilla, taking an atomic flame head on and smashing into a big icy mountain behind the monster, starting an avalanche. The other planes use bombs and missiles instead of themselves and get more ice to fall, half burying Godzilla so he is temporarily stuck in one place.

Back at HQ they decide that’s a swell idea and organize to bombard the ice and bury Godzilla once and for all. Tsukioka, even though he is just a guy that looks for fish, is permitted to go as well to settle the score for the death of Kobayashi.

They drag in a bunch of barrels on the ground and shoot at them, which as we now know from playing video games will make any kind of oil drum thing explode. They synchronize this with more jets that take aim at the ice and snow on the mountains, and eventually poor Godzilla is buried.

“Back home, a grateful nation rang out the bell of happiness,” we are told. “We were together for all time now, and we could once more live out our lives in happiness.”

THE END! The weird roar they used for Godzilla the entire film is heard one last time! Credits roll!

How is it?

This is a movie, all right! This is definitely a weaker entry then the first in the series. The mock-up city is still well constructed, but Osaka just isn’t as magnificent a city as Tokyo (which realistically, only a year later, would still be under construction… although I don’t think that logic is in play in these films). Some of the military units are cool looking, but some are obvious toys.

Also on the plus side of the effects, while Godzilla has weird teeth, both monster suits are pretty solid and the battle between the two of them is good for a first outing.

The story is okay, but it feels like a retread of the original film, except with a second monster thrown in. It even throws in a main character suicide at the end, for good measure.

Any Toho film scored by Akira Ifukube is going to have a great soundtrack… and he did indeed originally score the film, but the version watched here that was released in the United States was stripped of the original score by Warner Bros. and had a random stock score inserted. It isn’t terrible, but it isn’t memorable, either.

So, is this worth seeing?

Well, a part of me wants to say ANY movie including Godzilla is worth seeing, but in all honesty if you are going to skip your way through the series, this is one you can leave out. It was something of a “holy grail”, along with Destroy All Monsters for me as a kid, because it just tended to be hard to find and it was many years of want before I finally saw it. Not worth the wait, sadly.

Still kind of fun for the novelty of hearing George Takei narrate a Godzilla film, though.

How can I get my hands on this masterpiece!?

You can purchase this at a reasonable price either individually or in the seven movie boxset from Classic Media.

This film is also cheerily available on Netflix Instant Watch for the time being.

Trailer!

[EK]

These are way too long. >_> Like this is what a Japanese Jared Walczack would write.

[Elf of Rivendell]

A Japanese Jared Walczak would be an abomination so great that the world would spontaneously implode.

Review Godzilla vs. Destoroyah sometime! Because... I hated it. <_< But I'd be interested in your take on it.

[The Top Crusader]

I will get to VS Destroyah eventually, but since I'm going chronologically it will take a while to get to 1995. >_>

I haven't seen it in ages but I actually recall liking it better than most of the films from the 1990's. That wasn't really a favorite era of mine.