Dating

[dancer02248]

yeah...how did this topic go from dating to shadowpaw..to ummm...to giant monkeys, i just dont w....wait, nevermind, i don't think i want to know

[Trent DeWhite]

It all started with a candybar . . .

Actually, I'm kidding.

have you ever dated shadowpaw?

I don't think anyone here has ever dated Shadowpaw.

I somehow managed to misquote mellow. I believe he meant, "Have you ever dated, Shadowpaw?"

[dancer02248]

haha, yeah i seem to notice that everyone, including me, gets off topic here reallllly easy. that's part of the fun

[Linne]

Well, as for me...my parents haven't ever told me I couldn't date....partly because I have strongly made my position known to the world: I am so NOT interested in guys (as boyfriends) right now. My dad has hinted at guys who have "liked" me, and my mom is trying to set me up with this guy we know...so I don't think they'll have a problem with me ever dating...since I'll be about 30....


And yes, they are all really awesome guys, I don't have anything against any of them, we're just good friends.

[Shadowpaw]

Imagine my surprise, after being gone all day, to come home to all this chatter about my dating life and how it relates to the citizens of the ToO.

To answer Mellow's original question (the way he originally intended it ), no, I have not dated or courted anyone. Though neither have I really pursued it. I've had numerous crushes over the years (as I'm sure you all have as well), and I would be lying if I said I didn't hope one day something would happen with those special girls I had feelings for. But I was also content in just being close friends with them. Looking back on my high school days, I would have had it no other way and I'm glad I didn't succumb to the pressures around me.

Now, as this is entering into the "too much information from a guy we hardly know terrority", I shall close my mouth (or hold back my fingers as far away from the keyboard as possible) and wish I had thought twice before making my original post.

[Jessicado]

Oooooohhhhh, the things I know about Shadowpaw now!!!!!!

[HarlowRoxMySox]

It's kind of scary what goes on now. At the softball dinner the other night, we were all asking each other questions and going around in a circle to tell the answers and 1 of the questions was "when was your first serious relationship with a guy?" I of course have never been out w/ a guy, but have had thousands of crushes, but one of the girls said their first serious relationship was in fourth grade! I'm like, you can't have a serious relationship in 4th grade! Some of the girls on my team need Christ, please pray.

[Sunday]

I've started this post several times now....not sure how to begin spelling out the thoughts rambling around in my head.

I think it is extremely special that God created us to desire companionship. It says something huge about what he wants from his creation. It might also suggest that we should be cautious in who we look to for companionship, whether it be called dating or courtin', because this type of relationship begets commitment. Dating does not equal commitment.

[One I Froggy]

Dating itself has so many issues, I can't even get into it here and now. When I was younger, I never thought of myself as someone who would go boy crazy when I hit my teens, and I didnt go boy crazy (As my dad would word it) like my friends did. But I did have a boyfriend, and I became very very very emotionally attached to him. We "dated" for over a year, which is a big chunk of my time, life and heart....and since the ending of that relationship (Which was four years ago now) I have come to the conclusion that dating is not the right thing for me.

I agree with everyone so far who has stated that dating is for marriage. I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I had not invested so much of my heart and soul into a relationship that tore me down and left me stranded when it ended. While we were dating, we thought it was a godly relationship, we prayer together, read our bibles together, went to church together...so on and so forth, and we thought God meant for us to spend our lives together.

Anyways, to make a long story short...when I see him these days, my heart still aches for the decisions hes made since we "broke up". So girls, and guys for that matter, who havent dated yet, please look at it as a blessing. Your parents are trying to do what is best for you. Now, I have several healthy relationships with guys in a platonic way...I love these guys and we hang out together and help eachother grow spiritually.

You never know what will happen when you "date" someone. I thought I would marry....well, whatever, now Im rambling.

So, from personal experience, I do not believe dating is emotionally or spiritually healthy.

Then again, meeting someone at work, going on two dates, then eloping with them 3 weeks after meeting them isnt a good idea either.

[Jessicado]

I don't understand how anyone could decide to get married without knowing the other person first (unless God tells you to of course!) As long as the two people are respectful of eachother and of God, dating is a wonderful opportunity to find the mate God intended for you. (Don't take me worng--I am not talking about the normal dating world!!!!!! I am talking about the Christian dating world.....which sadly is not much different sometimes, but for my personal dating world, it is much, much different) Otherwise it's just like picking the first fish thrown your way. Many people take the first thing that comes their way and can be comfortable and happy, but I guess maybe I am picky...... I think for many people, God will let the person instanteously know that the person they just met is the one.....but even in those instances, I have seen people meet, get married and then realize they were not meant for eachother and other things were clouding their judgement. This might be a little hard to explain to many of the younger members here (I am 70 after all and much more experienced than you ) but sometimes the first taste of love is actually lust and people will rush into things. I would rather be cautious and wait until I am sure that the man who is showing interest in me is the man that God intended for me. And how can I get to know that person better without spending time with him?

[Frodo]

Oooooohhhhh, the things I know about Shadowpaw now!!!!!!

hehe

[Dr. Watson]

And how can I get to know that person better without spending time with him?

Quite right. But there are other methods of getting to know if a person is right for marriage other than 1-on-1 dating outings. For example--getting to know the prospective person in the context of his family. Often, you can learn loads more about a person by observing how they act around family members than you can by spending personal time together.

[The Top Crusader]

And how can I get to know that person better without spending time with him?

Quite right. But there are other methods of getting to know if a person is right for marriage other than 1-on-1 dating outings. For example--getting to know the prospective person in the context of his family. Often, you can learn loads more about a person by observing how they act around family members than you can by spending personal time together.

See, I've heard that before, and I suppose it can be very true in some cases.

However, its nerve-racking enough being around a girl... I don't want to have to cope with their family at the same time... Not that I don't want to get to know their family or be around them at all. But, you only really get to know a person when you are spending quality time together... alone. Not to mention the fact that at my age... it would be a bit inconvenient to drive to mom and dad's house every time you wanted to spend time with your prospective spouse...

[Dr. Watson]

Actually, it may be less nerve-racking when you're with the family, because you're not being with the girl like a normal "date." You are a mere observer: someone from the sidelines noting personality quirks and character flaws and/or strengths.

Anyway, that's the way I see it.


Cheerio

[The Top Crusader]

Actually, it may be less nerve-racking when you're with the family, because you're not being with the girl like a normal "date." You are a mere observer: someone from the sidelines noting personality quirks and character flaws and/or strengths.

Anyway, that's the way I see it.


Cheerio

Well, you'd get to know about them in that case, but I'm not sure you'd so much get to know them. "Fly on the wall" has its merrits, but in my one brief dating adventure when I was at her house, it was somewhat nerve-wracking when her family was around. I was far more at ease when it was just the two of us.

[Flyah]

In our culture today, the term ‘dating’ often carries with it the idea of ownership. Premature ownership often results in the surrendering of morals. In an effort to reap moral fruit, parents often try to enforce guidelines of dating in their young people. However, in order to avoid moral disaster, parents must sow godly convictions with an understanding of God’s ultimate ownership.

[free_born]

I don't mind girls....I don't hang around 'em, either. ( )Much......

I don't want to date, though. It causes to many broken hearts. My Mum was dropped like an old rag when her date got bored with her. But then, she met Dad, and she knew. So they got married and here I am.

Something like that.

[Jessicado]

And how can I get to know that person better without spending time with him?

Quite right. But there are other methods of getting to know if a person is right for marriage other than 1-on-1 dating outings. For example--getting to know the prospective person in the context of his family. Often, you can learn loads more about a person by observing how they act around family members than you can by spending personal time together.

See, I've heard that before, and I suppose it can be very true in some cases.

However, its nerve-racking enough being around a girl... I don't want to have to cope with their family at the same time... Not that I don't want to get to know their family or be around them at all. But, you only really get to know a person when you are spending quality time together... alone. Not to mention the fact that at my age... it would be a bit inconvenient to drive to mom and dad's house every time you wanted to spend time with your prospective spouse...

Exactly! No one I know still ived with their parents and most are college students quite a ways from home....so it would be quite cumbersome to try to get to know someone through their interaction with their family.....however for younger people, I think that is a great idea....although as Top said, it is a little intimidating. I really try to do group activities to get to know a person, like church groups, hanging with friends......but eventually one on one is very beneficial to see how people really interact.

[Linne]

Yeah. I can see both sides, getting to know them alone and with their family. But all the guys I know well, I know their families and how they act around their families already. Hmm.....

But like I said, no need to rush into this for a while yet