- This is hand-to-hand combat. No weapons of any kind are allowed. Only your god-given appendages.
- You can't fight a kid. Or any of the really old dudes. I understand that really narrows your options, but it's just not fair. Whit is fair game, though, as he is absolutely ripped.
- The fight will take place in the main dining area at Whit's End. Remember this when making your selection, as these characters have the home-field-advantage. They know the terrain. Again: only hand-to-hand combat is allowed, so no chairs, tables, spoons, etc... can be used.
I could easily beat:
- Wooton Basset: Wooton is too kind-hearted to really be a dangerous enemy. I think I could probably trip him or something and win.
- Dale Jacobs: Dale doesn't, like, do anything from what I remember. This should be a breeze.
- Jason Whittaker: Controversial, but have you heard Jason lately? He sounds tired. His glory days are behind him. I will triumph.
- Don Polehaus: Don is a total scrub. I'll wipe the floor with him.
- Connie Kendall: Based on images, Connie and I have about the same muscle mass. She's definitely more wiry than me, so it'd be a challenge.
- Bart Rathbone: Bart is a slovenly mess, but he's scrappy. He'd definitely cheat too. I think I could I could use verbal attacks to help my chances.
- Eugene Meltsner: Eugene is a weird little nerd, but he's so smart that he probably knows how to fight really well. On the flip side, I bet he has fragile little bones.
- Dr. Regis Blackgaard. 10 minutes of me kicking and punching a computer until it comes to life and eats me.
- Mr. Whittaker. Obviously. Whit is jacked and prepared to throw down at any time.
- Harlow Doyle: A complete beast of a man. He will crush me. No contest.
- George Barclay: He may be a pastor, but he won't hesitate to obliterate another human.
- Joanne Allen: An exception to my old people rule, but I'm so inherently terrified of Joanne that I will cower in fear the moment I see her.