Dubious Product Warning Labels

I'm sure we've all seen these before...

If there's something on your mind that just doesn't seem to fall into any of the other categories, well, it quite likely belongs inside Joe Finneman's marketplace. Think of it as a general store for general discussions!
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Christian Cowgirl
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Post by Christian Cowgirl »

I've got some!

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

Instructions

"Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.

"Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills.

"Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.

"Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.

"Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

"Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.

"Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner.

"Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits.

"In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual.

"Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.

"The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle.
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Trent DeWhite
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Post by Trent DeWhite »

Haha, those are great! :D
Shin guard label wrote:"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.
Ooh really? :-s

Toilet Plunger:
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

On the bottom of a box of Tesco's Tirimisu (an Italian desert):
Do not turn upside down.

Wet-Nap:
Directions: Tear open packet and use.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(I guess only shoplifters qualify)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.

On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
Do not use on food.

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning -- keep out of children.

:-s
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drwhit73
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Post by drwhit73 »

On a napkin given with snacks on an Air Tran flight:

Directions for use:

1. Unfold Napkin
2. Read About Free Flights
3. Fold napkin and put in pocket
4. Wipe hands on shirt
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Trent DeWhite
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Post by Trent DeWhite »

Nice one, Dr. Whit. :lol:

On a blanket from Taiwan:
Not to be used as protection from a tornado.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists:
Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.

On a Taiwanese shampoo:
Use repeatedly for severe damage.

In a public restroom on the outside of a continuous roll towel dispenser:
Maintenance operator: Failure to follow loading instructions could result in serious injury or death.

In the instructions for a snow thrower:
Do not use snow thrower on surfaces above ground level such as roofs of residences.

On a package containing a brand of modelling clay:
Warning: Not for use as earplugs.
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Christian Cowgirl
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Post by Christian Cowgirl »

On a snow sled: "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."

On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: "Do not use as a ladder."

A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel hooks advises it is "Harmful if swallowed." Too bad fish can't read!

A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."

"Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."
I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
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Larry The Pickle
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Post by Larry The Pickle »

I don't have any, but these are very entertaining to read! \:D/
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J-man
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Post by J-man »

Christian Cowgirl wrote:
On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: "Do not use as a ladder."
lol, I've seen that one before!!!! \:D/ \:D/ \:D/
those are all very good. does anyone have anymore?
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Trent DeWhite
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Post by Trent DeWhite »

I don't know if you've read them already, but there are literally dozens on page one of this thread. In case you've read them all, here are some more for your reading pleasure:

On a package containing candy gummy worms:
No cholesterol, no preservatives. A meal in itself.

On the inside of a pull-top lid of liquid radiator sealant:
Caution: Do not lick lid.

On a lawnmower:
"WARNING WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING -- THE BLADE IS TURNING!"

On a curling iron:
"Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice."

On a bottle of bathtub cleaner:
"For best results, start with clean bathtub before use."

On a container of lighter fluid:
"WARNING: Contents flammable!"
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J-man
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Post by J-man »

Trent DeWhite wrote:
On a package containing candy gummy worms:
No cholesterol, no preservatives. A meal in itself.
lol!!
I hardly think that gummy worms are a meal.. :lol:
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Post by Catspaw »

This wasn't from a warning label, but it's one of those goofy sayings. It was on a billboard somewhere, and went something (but not exactly) like this: 'Literacy is important! If you struggle with literacy and need help, please write to...' And then it gave the address. If somebody can't read. then suggesting that they write to get info is so pointless, since they both cannot read the sign and could not write to the address even if somebody else read the sign to them.

Please note that I'm explaining this because I didn't quote it very well, not because I think that people here aren't bright enough to figure it out by themselves.

A "warning" that I've seen when I've attended games of my area's AHL team is amusing, though I'm sure that it's supposed to be. 'The puck is hard. It moves real fast. It could hurt.'
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Post by Trent DeWhite »

Catspaw wrote:A "warning" that I've seen when I've attended games of my area's AHL team is amusing, though I'm sure that it's supposed to be. 'The puck is hard. It moves real fast. It could hurt.'
Ha, that's awesome. :D

On a box of household nails:
"CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!"

On a can of Woolite carpet cleaner:
"Safe for carpets, too!"

On a plastic orange juice can:
"100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate."

On a golf cart and on a wheelbarrow:
"Not for highway use."

On a box of salt:
"Warning: High in sodium."
(For those who didn't study chemistry in school.)

On a hose nozzle:
"Do not spray into electrical outlet."
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Manda
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Post by Manda »

1. On Sears hair dryer. " Do not use while sleeping". [But that's the only time I have to work on my hair]
2. On a bag of Fritos: " You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details Inside". [Evidently this is a shoplifter special.]
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." [And that would be how......?]
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: " Serving suggestions: Defrost." [But its just a suggestion]
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of the box): "Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late]
6. On Marke & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". [As sure as night follows the day.]
7. On the packaging for a Rowenta iron: " Do not iron clothes on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?]
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those fork lifts.]
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." [One would hope so.]
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?]
11. On a Japenese food processor: "Not to be used for other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious.]
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts, "Warning: Contains nuts". [NEWS FLASH]
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions, open packet, eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly United]
14. On a childs Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
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Post by J-man »

Monday wrote:
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts, "Warning: Contains nuts". [NEWS FLASH]
they say that because some people are alergic to nuts and that don't want to be sued by people saying that they weren't warned that the package contained nuts. (wow, HUGE runon sentece there..)
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Post by Trent DeWhite »

J-man wrote:
Monday wrote:12. On Sainsbury's peanuts, "Warning: Contains nuts". [NEWS FLASH]
they say that because some people are alergic to nuts and that don't want to be sued by people saying that they weren't warned that the package contained nuts. (wow, HUGE runon sentece there..)
Even though the package itself reads "NUTS" . . . :roll:

On a sled:
"Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."
(That certain snow condition has a name. It's called "ice."]

On a baby stroller:
"Remove baby before folding."
[So you can put him or her on a fast-moving sled.]

On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact disks:
"Do not use as a ladder."

On a CD player:
"Do not use as a projectile in a catapult."

On a bottle of drain cleaner:
"If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."
[And if you think this warning makes any sense, you should definitely not be using this product.]
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Jonathan
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Post by Jonathan »

First, you double posted the same thing. Second, all of those in that post you have posted before.

-Jonathan
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Post by Bmuntz »

On a CD player:
"Do not use as a projectile in a catapult."

I wish I have heard that yesterday. ](*,) oh well I needed a new one anyway.

Jonathan wrote:First, you double posted the same thing. Second, all of those in that post you have posted before.

-Jonathan
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Post by Trent DeWhite »

Jonathan wrote:First, you double posted the same thing. Second, all of those in that post you have posted before.
That was my mistake. I had meant to delete the earlier post. #-o
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David Harley
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Post by David Harley »

Taken care of Friend Trent!
Remember kids, Ignorance of the law is no excuse!
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Post by Trent DeWhite »

Many thanks! =D>

Okay, this next one isn't actually real, but I thought it was rather amusing nontheless. :lol:

Important Warnings and Instructions for the Model XP-200 Stepladder

Important: This product contains a warning label known to the State of California to cause cancer.

1. General Warnings and Information. Judging from the number of lawyers on our company softball team, ladders are extremely dangerous products. Our legal department advises us to expect nearly 5,000,000 injury claims this year since that is how many ladders we sold last year. After years of study by top industry experts, we have determined that the foremost danger of a ladder is falling off it. However, these same studies show that ladders can be very safe household products when treated with proper care and respect and kept stored in the garage.

2. Determine Your Level of Product Sophistication. Using a stepladder requires a minimum amount of product sophistication, which you may lack. Prior to getting on a ladder, take the following test:

Use ladder as follows:

Do not climb above third step.
Do not climb above the second step.
Use ladder only under the supervision of a qualified mental health professional.
Do not go near a ladder.

3. Set Up. Set ladder up on solid, level ground. Do not set ladder up in mid-air, underwater or on unstable surfaces such as steeples, moving amusement park rides or the moon. To assure ladder is set at proper angle, perform this easy check: level your vision with the plane of the ladder. If you see the ground approaching, stick your arms out quickly and try again.

4. Safety Recommendations. Our legal department held an important meeting at a popular downtown bistro which resulted in a cell phone call to Marketing, instructing, in that snide way Legal has, that we include the following recommendations for safe ladder use to preserve the important legal defense of Weus Toldicto Uso. Always follow these basic safety precautions: Step 1: Spray two tons of foam insulation around base of ladder. Step 2: Encase yourself securely in plastic bubble wrap (DO NOT POP BUBBLES. THIS IS SERIOUS.). Step 3: Wear a helmet approved by the National Football League, but not the one Troy Aikman uses. Step 4: Hire an independent contractor to climb up the ladder and get the hell out of the way.

5. Climbing the Ladder. Begin by grabbing the sides of the ladder firmly with both hands. Place one foot securely on the first step. Pull yourself up. Stop! Do not over-exert yourself. Take your pulse. Proceed only if your heartrate is below 120 beats per minute. Never have a heart attack on a ladder. Repeat procedure until desired height is reached, but never stand on the top step. Don't ask us why we put it there if you can't stand on it, just take our word for it and don't do it. If you're ever tempted to disobey this instruction, simply call our toll-free number and we'll send one our lawyers out to slap you around.

6. Common Ladder Mistakes.

1) Avoid contact with electrical current. Never attempt to plug in a ladder.
2) This sticker gets slippery when wet. That's why we put it on the side. If you're standing on this sticker you've got the ladder pointed the wrong way.
3) Never use ladder during hurricanes, tornados, earthquakes, civil unrest, Running of the Bulls, Grand Prix auto races or other activity likely to upset ladder. If ladder becomes upset, give it a chance to calm down before climbing all over it.
5) Ladders are not toys. Keep all ladders out of the reach of children. Kids, if you're reading this, No, No, No!
6) Be careful when moving ladder around work site. You could poke somebody's eye out with this thing!
7) Never drink and climb. Always have a designated climber on hand.

7. Partial Warnings Only. See Owner's Manual, Volumes 1-29, for complete instructions and warnings in 37 languages and gang signs. Coming to stores soon: Totally safe virtual ladder climbing.

Enjoy Your XP-200 Stepladder!

------

It came from a lawyer humor site. :roll:
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AIOfan11
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Post by AIOfan11 »

Those are hilarious! How stupid do people think we are?
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