The Town of Odyssey

this post isn't just me being disgusting, i promise

the setting: east nashville, tenesse; united states of america. stratford stem magnet school (the school name may be incorrect.) november, 2017.

so i'm about to go on tour for the first time. i'm running audio at front of house. (that means i'm the sound guy.) we're going on a week long run mainly to various colleges in pennsylvania and ohio. but first, we're doing two days of shows at this high school. we'll be playing the whole show (roughly an hour) four times that day, starting at 7:50am. glamorous.

i wake up at 5:00am. i shower. i do not use the toilet. i dress myself. it is a cold day. i don a hoodie and jeans. i meet up with my ride. we drive to the school. it is locked. we stand in the cold until a custodian grants us access. it is now 6:30am. i begin to remember that i did not use the bathroom. i am drinking water i got from the green room (aka the music classroom).

we soundcheck. it is an arduous process. this is the first real show. i am getting nervous. as one does when they get nervous, my body seeks to rid itself of all waste. this soundcheck will not end. it is now 7:20. students are arriving. first period is at 7:50. i stop drinking water.

the soundcheck ends. it is 7:30. plenty of time for me to make my escape. i leave the school auditorium. i do not know where the bathrooms are. i wander away from the sound of students. this is because they're scary. they are much cooler than me. i find a restroom. i enter the restroom.

there are no doors on the stalls.

there are no. doors. on. the stalls.

a student enters behind me. i exit the restroom. i will not be using the restroom if i am not afforded privacy. it is now 7:40. i re-enter the auditorium. i text my wife. "can you believe this? there are no doors on the stalls! this is bullcrap!" the show begins. i hold it. i continue to hold it until i return to our apartments south of nashville. i am in pain.

the next day, i wake up at 5:00am. i shower. i dress myself.

i know we all have a story like this that we never have an excuse to share. now is the time.

I used to clean public restrooms as part of my job. So there are a lot of stories there that people probably won't want me to get into.

But to summarize, POOP AND PEE AND PUKE AND BLOOD.

I can't think of any great ones about myself outside of that. My first ever job was at Taco Bell and it was a really old Taco Bell building and there wasn't even a restroom inside, you had to get a key and go around the back to a single toilet in a room, like an old gas station or something. I've never seen that at a Taco Bell, or any chain restaurant, or any non-chain restaurant, ever since. I didn't have to clean that one, though.