Lessons from God

At the Second Church of Odyssey you'll find different ways of expressing your beliefs, finding prayer support or being encouraged through regular devotionals.
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Bren
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Lessons from God

Post by Bren »

What is God teaching you lately? Directly or indirectly.
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Bob
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Post by Bob »

This recent time of coronavirus finally getting to us has shown a lot of weaknesses and problems in my life in a way that I don't think would have happened (at least, not so quickly or dramatically) otherwise.

The last update I made here, I mentioned that my mother had it, I had it, and we were hoping my dad wouldn't get it - or if he did, it wouldn't be worse than ours.

Well, my mother recovered well, with an aggressive treatment plan. I seem to have basically recovered well enough, with no special treatment besides natural supplements (like tumblerfuls of elderberry syrup).

But my dad got it, and he has not recovered well. At first it seemed to be like a flu, and he was doing fine, but late last Friday, or Saturday, he started falling. Anyone who's known sickly older people knows that's a major problem. This happened again and again. Finally, Sunday morning, my mother evaluated the situation and decided that he wasn't going to get better at home, and called the ambulance, who took him to the hospital.

This has been one of the most stressful weeks of my entire life. I don't know what it's like where you live, but for some reason, the hospital doesn't let anyone visit someone who's in there. So he's up at the hospital, alone, and we don't know much about what's going on or who's up there or what his treatment is, we can't see him or help with any of the problems he's having.

A few days ago we were up late one night and my mom gets a call that they're 'losing him'; his oxygen levels were critically low, and he was agitated and resisting treatment. At that point there's obviously a need for prayer, and at that point it dawns on me - more clearly than at any time prior to that point - that I just don't have it. I don't feel the urgency the way I should, or the desire to pray at all, and the words I'm half-heartedly mumbling are so obviously worthless that there's no point in my even saying them, or anything at all. I don't have any real relationship with God, and my prayers are in vain. The situation that's unfolding before my eyes is a dire situation that requires a relationship and requires effectual prayers, and I haven't got either.

Several minutes passed, and my mother (and our house guest) are praying up a storm, and they get in touch with our pastor and pastor's wife, who also start praying, and I'm laying there enduring being alive. After some time we get a call back from the doctor's office that he settled down and went to sleep, and things were fine, at least for then. But they weren't so fine inside of me.

Since then, it hasn't gotten easier. Someone could say that I've drifted away from God. I'm tempted to say it myself, but I don't know whether that's true, because I don't know that I was really any close(r) before.

I know I haven't done as many 'religious activities', whether praying rote prayers in the morning, or reading chapters and chapters of Scripture, or fasting as aggressively, or trying to find some 'mental confirmation' about whether something I'm doing is God's will or not. At this point, I'm not sure how much value any of those things have, at least in and of themselves, without a stronger relationship under them.

There's been times lately when God has allowed me to be involved in some kind of ministry, praying for someone, and even seeing a miraculous result. But I'm starting to learn that whether someone is used in ministry doesn't correlate much with whether they're in a right or a good relationship with God. I don't know whether this will happen again any time soon, but if it does, and nothing else has changed between then and now, it won't be an indication that I must be doing or living right.

Mentally and emotionally and spiritually I'm obviously out of sorts. I'm having a resurgence of these kinds of bad thoughts I've had in the past - I won't go into detail, but in essence, they aren't much different from Job's wife saying to 'curse God and die'. Who knows whether they're from the enemy or from my flesh. I've always felt before like I was anchored, 'bound' to God in a way, so that my desire to be in a good relationship with Him wouldn't ever go away, even if I wasn't necessarily living or doing things right. But now I'm not even sure about that. I feel like I could easily fall away, if I were allowed to. I don't want to right now, but my feelings and wants and desires are not as stable as I thought they were even just a few weeks or days ago. I can't categorically rule out the possibility that in some moment of weakness or darkness, I might say or do some things and turn away from God. I hope I know better than that and remember what God's done and have more faith than that, but I'm starting to see how vulnerable my situation is, as much or more as I ever have realized or seen it before.
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Bren
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Post by Bren »

Thank you for being so open with us Bob. I know that wasn't easy. I myself am once again reminded of the need for a renewal in the Spirit myself. But, it's easier said than done. I still think many of us could benefit from a positive peer pressure group on here.
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Post by ByeByeBrownie »

^^^What Bren said.

Bob, a lot of what you said really resonates with me because I've definitely been there before. Unfortunately I'm not sure I really have anything helpful to say, as I'm still working through a lot of these issues myself. One thing I will say is that I am oh-so-thankful my faith depends on God and not on me. Every time these doubts and and fears and wayward thoughts flood into my mind, I just try to bring them straight to God. I'm still learning to pray, learning to trust, but I'm hopeful that none of all the crazy stuff going on right now is for nothing.
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Post by Danadelfos »

Thank you for sharing that @Bob, love you brother. Not that, that means much or that I am really there for you. But Jesus loves you, and that's what matters. Praying for you!

I've just been reminded how much Jesus loves me. I've been learning to connect to people in my life. I would say a little more than a year ago I was really trying to live life all alone. As in, I did have a couple good friends but not people I felt comfortable just calling up and talking through my doubts, fears, thoughts, feelings, etc. But God's really brought 10-12 men into my life that I can connect with on a daily basis who I can call and be encouraged by. Encouraging each other to growth in Jesus and to put off sin and to put on righteousness. Reminding each other that God's love is real and that there is hope in Jesus. I really do need that on a daily basis because I can fall into hopelessness in hours or minutes depending on the day. I guess God's really been teaching me that relationships can be life giving vs feeling used by others for a time and then abandoned. There's a couple quotes I read recently that kind of communicate this:
The defining relational motif for humankind is not that we need to work as hard as we can, or at least harder than we are. It is not to do our best or to guarantee that our children will have a better life than we had. It is not about being right or the acquisition of power. Each of those (and other versions like them) play into the hand of shame’s anxiety. No- rather, we were created for joy. Not a weak and watery concept of joy that merely dilutes our sadness and pain. Rather it is the hard deck on which all of life finds its legs, a byproduct of deeply connected relationships in which each member is constantly known.
Those parts of us that feel most broken and that we keep most hidden are the parts that most desperately need to be known by God, so as to be loved and healed…God came to find Eve and Adam to provide them the opportunity to be known as he knows anything else. For only in those instances when our shamed parts are known do they stand a chance to be redeemed. We can love God, love ourselves or love others only to the degree that we are known by God and known by others.
~ Dr. Curt Thompson
Life with God is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties. ~ C.S. Lewis
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