The Town of Odyssey

"I changed the letters in your Dad’s name on the sign out front of the church. Now it says, 'Preaching this Sunday: Large Rag Boy.'"

There's something so true about bored kids in that quote that I like.

Next character: Eugene

"I'm a science student, and might I say in all modesty, a recognized genius at Campbell County Community College."

Next character: Bernard Walton

Tom Riley: Are you doin' experiments on someone else, Whit?
Bernard Walton: It's that man from the NIH, isn't it? You two had a tussle and you've thrown him into the machine!
John Whittaker: Oh, Bernard, you're being ridiculous.
Bernard Walton: No, no, no, I was being ridiculous when I agreed to this idea twelve hours ago. Now I'm being absurd!

Next character: Bryan Dern

Dern: Okay, let's take another caller. We're playing the "What could possibly be more annoying than this music" game. Caller, go ahead.
Caller: Getting your teeth drilled?
Dern: Wrongo! Next caller.
Caller2: How about those zit cream commercials?
Dern: Wrong Again. Next caller.
Caller3: Uh, if you really hate polka so much, you should turn to Q94, they got some great music and you could win a big screen tv in their mystery items contest.
*Silence*
Caller3: Hello?
Dern: Ohh, I think we have a winner. My friend, YOU are more annoying than this music!
Caller3: Cool! Do I win something?

Next Character: George Barclay

Patterson, that is one of my favourite Dern scenes from one of my favourite episodes! Nice call!

Donna Barclay: Dad, you're lost aren't you?
George Barclay: Lost? Me? George Rand McNally Barclay lost? Honey, hand me the map.
- The Barclay Family Ski Vacation

I think a few of us can relate to this situation.

Next character: Doris Rathbone

"I shaved my legs! All the way up to my knees!"
Honestly for some reason I am always surprised that this was in an episode but I always find it so funny (and slightly relatable...)

Next character: Arthur Dent

I can't resist...

"I saved the world!" - the amazing and heroic Arthur Dent

Next character: Lucy Cunningham-Schultz

It was hard to think of a funny Lucy quote.

Jill: "I know all about this camp like the back of my hand. My uncle's the caretaker."
Lucy: "Oh, is he the guy that rides around on that little tractor and spits tobacco juice everywhere?"
Jill: "Yeah, that's him."

*edit Do I need a different one? I seem to have killed the thread.

Next Character: Trent DeWhite

Bernard Walton: Well, that wasn't the end of Saul's story, but do you get the point by now?
Trent DeWhite: Yeah! Cut off the bad guy's head when God says to!
Bernard Walton: Exactly, d—no! Try again.
Trent DeWhite: Don't throw spears at harpists?

Trent DeWhite: I was asked to join the biology club. We do experiments and help other kids with biology projects. And we're the only group allowed to touch the skeletons. I know it sounds nerdy, but it's kind of an honor to be asked because skeletons aren't cheap.
Robert Mitchell: I wouldn't sell mine for anything.

Next Character: Jack Allen

Jason Whittaker: Jack, why didn't you just tie me up and lock me in a closet?
Jack Allen: I didn't realize that was an option.

Next Character: Doris Rathbone

"Welcome to our humble commode!"

Next: Detective Polehause

Whit: Detective, I've been thinking about Trickle Lake Concrete.
Don Polehaus: Yeah? And sometimes I think about large balls of lint, what about it?

Next Character: Nick Mulligan

"Yeah, well, Ronald McDonald 'catches one's attention' too, y'know."

Next character: Tamika Washington

"My back hurt so bad that I couldn't stand completely straight for a week. Marvin thought it was hilarious and kept calling me "Quasimodo"."

Next character: Jason Whittaker

Jason Whittaker: I could say I'm a kumquat, but that doesn't make me one.
Jack Allen: But it's obvious you're not a kumquat.

Jason Whittaker: Walter, what's going on here?
Walter Madison: All I can conclude is that we are in the middle of a spiritual battle.
Jason Whittaker: Spiritual battle, alright. Seems to be a lot of that going around lately. I was in the middle of one in South America recently and believe me, I have learned my lesson. I know exactly what to do.
Walter Madison: What's that?
Jason Whittaker: Drop to our knees right now and pray.
Walter Madison: I agree.

*DING*
Jason Whittaker: I think I just had an idea.
John Whittaker: No, that was my cell phone. I think I just got a text message.

John Whittaker: Do you think that was wise, Jason?
Jason Whittaker: What do you mean?
John Whittaker: Basically, you just sent Eugene on a mission to storm someone else's wedding. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah, you could be right. I just wish I could be there to see it.

LOL sorry. When it comes to Odyssey quotes, sometimes I get carried away...

Next Character: Jay Smouse

Ellis Cowanga: Ah, funeral home jokes. They never get old!
Jay Smouse: Nope, they just die.
-Not What I Expected

Next Character: Hadley Bassett

"It has everything to do with Wooton! All my life, I've heard nothing but praise about him! 'Be more like Wooton,' they said; 'You're an underachiever,' they said. 'Eat more licorice', they said! But I'm me! And me happens to be a loser."

Bill Kendall

"You may not believe this, but I still do love your mother."

Rusty Gordon.

Rusty: Here's some money, Mr. Whittaker. Uh, keep the change.
Whit: Uh, thanks, Rusty.
Sam Johnson: They're up to something...
Whit: They sure are. He was 15 cents short.

Grady McKay

"Hey, Rodney! Why don't you pick on someone your own IQ? Oh wait, you did—a squirrel."

Nathanial Graham