How do you become social?

[godisawesomeness99]

I find I am anti-social. I want to be social, but I get nervous about what people think of me. do you have any tips on how to be social online, and in real life?

[Shennifer]

Be yourself and don't be afraid of what people think. They aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are

[godisawesomeness99]

thank you. I'll try to think about that

[Aeva]

Saunter around in neon-colored sneakers (or sneakers with normal colors and neon laces.)

But seriously, just try to be friendly in general in real life. You don't have to have long conversations with everybody you come into contact with; a smile and a comment about the weather or a homework assignment will go a long way. If you're friendly and nice to everyone, people will like you. (And actually, I was partly serious about the sneakers. Bright sneakers are my preferred way to demonstrate confidence and my love for life and fun while remaining out of the spotlight.)

As for being social online, I've always found online socializing to be much easier than real life socializing. Just be yourself and don't take anything said on the internet too seriously.

[Arkán Dreamwalker]

In simplicity, get an ego. If you have a good opinion of yourself, you won't be nervous about what people think about you, because it can't help but be good because you're so cool.
Works for me.

[godisawesomeness99]

Thanks guys for the help

[EMBEE]

This is something I've struggled with (and still struggle with) a lot too. One thing to remember is that God made you the way you are for a reason- He doesn't want you to hide or change just because someone might not like you.

[TigerintheShadows]

^That. Don't try and be super-social if that's not who you are. The thing is, as Messy Mondays once so wisely stated, it's okay to be shy, or alternatively, not to have sixty friends for each different venue. Sometimes, it's better to develop close relationships with a few people--and that way, you might make more friends simply by the transitive property of friendship (meeting people who know your really close friends).

And when looking for friends, try to find people with whom to bond where you share interests--I've made some of my best friends through my AP classes, through choir, and through quiz bowl.

Also, don't take the things people say too seriously; a lot of the time, people are just joking around when they make comments about your personality or appearance--it doesn't reveal some deep-seated personality disorder on your part (I speak from experience on that one). In other words, don't be afraid to laugh at yourself, or even poke fun at yourself from time to time.

[Laura Ingalls]

I've always been more on the shy side, at least with being able to converse with strangers. I've become better over the years, just by practicing. Especially over the past year, as I have had to interact with customers every week. It's getting easier and easier, mostly because I've found that simply a smile and a cheerful "Good morning!" helps to break the ice very well.

I still hate talking on the phone though. Whoever thought inventing the telephone was a good idea?!?!?!

[godisawesomeness99]

I've always been more on the shy side, at least with being able to converse with strangers. I've become better over the years, just by practicing. Especially over the past year, as I have had to interact with customers every week. It's getting easier and easier, mostly because I've found that simply a smile and a cheerful "Good morning!" helps to break the ice very well.

I still hate talking on the phone though. Whoever thought inventing the telephone was a good idea?!?!?!

IKR!!! whenever I talk on the phone with my mom.... Me: yes mom, ok mom, bye, ok, see ya when you get home, bye, bye ok bye, alright, goodbye!

[Joy]

I'm a shy person when it comes to trying to talk to or approach people I don't know, or people I don't know very well. I often have to wait for someone to approach me, and that takes a while.
Even at my church I won't naturally approach many people there because they're all older than me (in their teens and twenties). I often will tag along with my sisters, and if the conversation might be interesting, I'll join in. It's different at church then at...say, those few youth parties I land a ticket to. There, everyone is sitting around, often having one big conversation, and I can just jump in whenever I want, plus, people will pay more attention to me too.
So yes, what's the point of all that? Oh, to say I'm shy.
Sometimes what gives me the courage to talk to people I don't know (like when I'm in an open setting or something) is the fact that I'm gonna be miserable, and have a lousy time if I don't get someone to hang out with! And, what could be the harm in trying?
And like Aeva said, try and stand out a little. Who knows, maybe you won't have to do a thing.

Not very good advice, I know,

[Taps]

If you want to be awesome be like me. And then you will want to be social, because you'll want people to know how amazing and great you are. Works for me!

[The Top Crusader]

Become a socialist.

[Joanne]

I'm the same way. My solution? When you approach a situation where your interacting with other people don't think "here I am!!!" think, "there YOU are". Don't focus on yourself, think of how you can help others. I even wrote "there you are!" on a paper and taped it above my bunk at college. So every day I saw it when I woke up.

[Sherlock]

There's a quote out there dubiously credited to Theodore Geisel (Dr. Seuss) that says something along the lines of:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind."

I'm naturally an introvert too, but change comes from within, and once we make the decision to not let the opinions of those who don't matter affect us, our whole perspective changes dramatically. We should never let others' opinions shape us because in doing so we become trapped and limited by our own feelings and perceptions. Instead, by making a decision every day to live authentically as *ourselves* we gain a new freedom and the ability to pursue our goals without worries or limitations.

[Skylerbuck]

I myself am struggling with the same thing GIA99, I go to public school, and have 5 or 6 really close Non-Christian friends, and not very many "Christian" friends. I have trouble socializing around my family, friends, and teachers. Hopefully you and I will overcome this in the future

[Dasi]

well it's nice to know I'm not the only shy one in the world. =p I'm super shy around other people(including my aunts and uncles hehe) and at youth group I'm like ok they are just middle schoolers they would probably like me better if i was annoying and weird. (like at home lol) so, Daniel maybe that would help idk maybe I shouldn't give advice I'm bad at it....hehe

[Kait]

I still hate talking on the phone though. Whoever thought inventing the telephone was a good idea?!?!?!

I totally agree.

I am an introvert, but I am no longer a shy person (the two aren't necessarily one and the same) like I used to be. However, I still cannot STAND talking on the phone. I'm a reporter so I do it almost every day ... and I still hate it as much as I did 8 years ago.

Start forcing yourself into social situations and "pretend" you are an outgoing person for a set period of time. Then, when things start to get exhausting, retreat into your introverted self and take a break. The key is to just slowly begin to force yourself to be outgoing. Eventually it will become second nature and while you still might be more reserved than most people, you won't have as much trouble interacting with new people and being yourself around them. It worked for me. I don't have the same social anxiety I used to. And I'm still pretty quiet around new people, but I wouldn't consider myself "anti-social" anymore. Or even shy, really.

[Amethystic]

I still hate talking on the phone though. Whoever thought inventing the telephone was a good idea?!?!?!

I totally agree.

I am an introvert, but I am no longer a shy person (the two aren't necessarily one and the same) like I used to be. However, I still cannot STAND talking on the phone.

Thank goodness, it's not just me. I hate talking on the phone. Face-to-face conversations? Fine. Email? Mastered! But make me talk on the phone with someone, especially someone I don't know, and I will be a very, very unhappy person. One incident in recent memory was a couple weeks ago, when my (unfamiliar, accented) correspondence Spanish teacher called and gave me a full dissertation on Spanish grammar and pronunciation and correcting reoccurring errors that he noticed in my work. Worst. Phone call. Ever.

As for socializing advice, I'm probably just parroting what's already been said: make an effort to be friendly to the people you interact with. Also, when you start a conversation with someone, do everything you can to get people to talk about themselves. People love people who give them an excuse to talk about themselves, and if you remember what they said it will help you befriend them and they'll appreciate you for being a good listener. Additionally, body language is a big thing: don't cower in a corner looking hunched over with your arms crossed and your expression tense. Make a conscious effort to look open and friendly with your body language, arms down and standing/sitting upright with a friendly but natural expression on your face, and people are more likely to engage with you. (Also, speaking from personal experience, a little prayer for confidence and favor with people goes a long way.)