Good retirement plan!
- Christian Cowgirl
- My posts are revolutionary
- Posts: 416
- Joined: April 2005
Good retirement plan!
As I was checking my 401(k) account and thinking about
retirement, I saw an article about nursing and retirement
homes are.
Then it hit me. No nursing home for me!
Here is my plan: I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.
With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per
day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I
have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long-term stay discount and senior
discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a
day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want,
or room service. It also will leave enough for laundry,
gratuities, and special TV movies. Plus, I'll get a
swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and
dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and
soap. And I'll be treated like a customer, not a patient.
Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire
staff scrambling.
There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent
limp. Ride the church bus free on Sundays. For a change
of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of
the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport,
fly somewhere.
Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the
other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.
And you are not stuck in one place forever -- you can move
from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.
Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress
replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize
for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and daily room
service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will
call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and
break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday
Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And no worries about visits from family. They will always
be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a
mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more
can you ask for?
When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with
even more benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees.
Most standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs,
and satellite TV -- all you need to enjoy a cozy
afternoon.
After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your
children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to
the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic
people every day.
Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the
weekends. Often they have special offers, too, like the
Kids Eat Free program. You can invite your grandkids over
after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell
them not to bring more than three friends.
Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best
friend can keep you company as well. If you want to
travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar
surroundings, you'll always feel at home because wherever
you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you're
getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never
have to worry about not finding your room -- your
electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman
or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check
out the feasibility of my plan. I'm happy to report that
they were positively giddy at the idea of us checking in
for a year or more. They even offered to negotiate the
rate. We could have easily knocked them down to $40 a
night!
So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin.
retirement, I saw an article about nursing and retirement
homes are.
Then it hit me. No nursing home for me!
Here is my plan: I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.
With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per
day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I
have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long-term stay discount and senior
discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a
day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want,
or room service. It also will leave enough for laundry,
gratuities, and special TV movies. Plus, I'll get a
swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and
dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and
soap. And I'll be treated like a customer, not a patient.
Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire
staff scrambling.
There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent
limp. Ride the church bus free on Sundays. For a change
of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of
the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport,
fly somewhere.
Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the
other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.
And you are not stuck in one place forever -- you can move
from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.
Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress
replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize
for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and daily room
service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will
call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and
break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday
Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And no worries about visits from family. They will always
be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a
mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more
can you ask for?
When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with
even more benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees.
Most standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs,
and satellite TV -- all you need to enjoy a cozy
afternoon.
After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your
children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to
the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic
people every day.
Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the
weekends. Often they have special offers, too, like the
Kids Eat Free program. You can invite your grandkids over
after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell
them not to bring more than three friends.
Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best
friend can keep you company as well. If you want to
travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar
surroundings, you'll always feel at home because wherever
you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you're
getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never
have to worry about not finding your room -- your
electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman
or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check
out the feasibility of my plan. I'm happy to report that
they were positively giddy at the idea of us checking in
for a year or more. They even offered to negotiate the
rate. We could have easily knocked them down to $40 a
night!
So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin.
I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
- Christian Cowgirl
- My posts are revolutionary
- Posts: 416
- Joined: April 2005
- StupendousMan
- Catspaw Rocks!
- Posts: 749
- Joined: April 2005
- Location: Odyssey
- Contact:
- Elf of Rivendell
- random passerby elf
- Posts: 3165
- Joined: April 2005
- Location: Rivendell
- Contact:
- gimp80995
- No way I broke the window
- Posts: 3545
- Joined: April 2005
- Location: Uhm....in front of a computer
- Contact:
I will say that as someone who has worked in nursing / retirement homes for the past 7 years, I am quite offended that you would post this. j/k.
Being only slightly more serious, I thought that was hysterical.
Peace Out
-Gimp
Being only slightly more serious, I thought that was hysterical.
Peace Out
-Gimp
God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
God, Grant us the peace that comes from honest dealings so that no fear of discovery will haunt our sleep May we inflict no pain, bring no shame, and seek no profit by another's loss.
God, Grant us the peace that comes from honest dealings so that no fear of discovery will haunt our sleep May we inflict no pain, bring no shame, and seek no profit by another's loss.
- Christian Cowgirl
- My posts are revolutionary
- Posts: 416
- Joined: April 2005