So I couldn't drop by to torment you earlier because I had final exams, but now that the semester is over I thought I'd drop by to give you a frustratingly long list of questions to answer.
I used to love frequenting these threads back in the day.
Anyway, let's begin the interrogation:
So, who are you, anyways?
No, I mean who are you
really?
Are you always such a persistent liar?
Is that actually your natural hair color? Seriously?
Ah, I see, are you doing that lying thing again?
So, Mr. Pantsonfire, what hobbies do you have?
...Do you have any other hobbies?
Alright, well, what's your favorite color?
Okay, then if everything switched so that your favorite color was your least favorite color and vice versa, would would your third favorite color be?
Do you own any shirts that are that color? If not, what else that color that's worth noting?
Okay, wait, but if that hypothetical third favorite color is really your third least favorite color in reality, why would you own something that color?
Do you understand why I don't trust you now?
I just... I don't know, I'm not sure if I can have this conversation if you're going to keep giving me such sketchy answers. What do you think?
*sigh* You know what, I'm going to give you a second chance. Let's start over fresh: what is/are your favorite animal(s)?
Have you ever been bitten by said favorite animal(s)?
If being bitten by said favorite animal(s) caused you to mutate and develop superhuman abilities, what would be the worst possible ability to develop?
Now, if you could bestow that undesirable trait upon somebody you know (exempting me, of course), who would you bestow it upon?
What did that person do to you that made you want to inflict a horrific mutation upon them??
Do you often fantasize about getting revenge on this person?
Do you ever think about getting revenge on other people?
So, how do you feel about songs that talk about mutilating hipsters' faces?
Did you know there's actually
a song about that very topic? (Ignore the video itself, if you wish, it's fan-made and slightly disturbing. O_o)
So, noses: you have one?
Is it still attached to your face?
Was that your own choice, or has it always just been there?
Have you ever considered detaching your nose from your face?
Do you support the legalization of semi-consensual nose removal surgery?
I'm getting the feeling you hold fairly traditional opinions when it comes to noses. Is that a religious thing, or what?
Do you think that children should be taught about nasally alternative lifestyles in school?
Do you think that marsupials should be taught about nasally alternative lifestyles in school?
Do you think that marsupials deserve full human rights? Why or why not?
Are you sure your last answer wasn't a bit racist?
Are you a racist
and a liar, Woody?
Do you think this kind of behavior makes your mother proud to have you as a son?
Did you learn these kinds of negative attitudes from your parents?
Should I call child protective services to investigate?
If you had only one dramatic one-liner left to try and convince child protective services not to take you away from your parents, what would you say?
Hey, that's not half-bad. Have you considered script-writing?
If you wrote a movie script, what would it be called? What would your movie be about?
Would it star David Tennant?
(If no, proceed to the questions marked below, if yes, please skip ahead.)
>>No! Why wouldn't you use him as your lead actor??
>>Are you kidding? David Tennant is amazing, how could you not use him?
>>Have you not seen his heart-wrenching performance on Doctor Who?? Or his incredible Shakespearean soliloquies??
>>BLREAERHEGH! Use David Tennant or I'll kill you? (I used a question mark because it's a Q&A, but please pretend it's actually an exclamation point of extreme rage and intimidation.)
Great, so David Tennant is starring in your movie! ^_^ Who's going to be your female lead?
Well... you know what, on second thought, let's leave the casting alone for now. Who's directing?
I dunno, I don't mean to shoot down your suggestions, but I mean, really?
*sigh* Maybe we should forget about this whole movie thing. Want some coffee?
Yeah, I totally hate coffee.
But do you know
what's cool about coffee?
I know, right?
So... coffee and stuff... do you know what's way awesomer than coffee?
Probably, but do you know what's even awesomer than that?
Even awesomer?
Awesomer?
Oh come on, are you even trying?
DAVID TENNANT!
Am I right?
There's a cold, dead expression in your eyes right now, right?
Why do you isolate yourself from the people around you so much?
Have you ever had the urge to harm people or animals, Woody?
If I looked inside your refrigerator right now, would I find a grotesquely large collection of frozen squirrel carcasses in there?
Do you clear your internet history regularly?
What are you really trying to hide from us?
You do realize this whole charade isn't working, right? I know what you're up to. *glares*
I can see right through you, you know. Why not just confess? It'll make things a lot easier for everyone.
Hey, what's your favorite color again? I can't remember your answer.
If you found the color of your eyes on a color wheel, what would the complementary color roughly be?
Hey, that sounds like a pretty color. Mind if I just stare intensely into your eyes for a little while?
Say, has anyone ever told you that you have the most
amazing eyes?
...
...
...
So, does this rash look contagious to you? *holds up arm*
Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to cause a freak out, but if this thing is infectious I need to get it treated ASAP.
But what if you're wrong??
If I get put into quarantine because of this rash, will you come visit me in the hospital?
If I escape quarantine and the CDC hunts after me, can I hide at your place?
Well contagions aside, what's your family's general policy on harboring fugitives?
*cough*weirdfamily*cough* But hey, fugitives or no, your family has a lot of excitement going on, what with you being a violent, vengeful, prejudiced, pathological liar with social services pounding on your door, am I right?
Say, I wonder, how many questions have I asked thus far?
I may have asked quite a few, but it's not like you'd ever turn down a challenge, right?
Hey, can I have your pillow?
Can I have your chair?
Can I keep your mother as a pet?
Why do you have to be so selfish?
Can I at least have your socks?
Don't you think sharing is something that should be practiced more often? *HINT-HINT*
If you owned Mars, would you share it with me?
If I landed on Mars without your permission, what would you do?
Hmmm, not sure how I feel about that. Seems a little 1960s to me. Speaking of which, ever seen
2001: A Space Odyssey?
Would you want to be transformed into a transcendental space fetus by a mysterious black monolith?
How would you feel if an AI tried to kill you while you were on a deep space expedition?
Speaking of evil AIs, have you ever played Portal and/or Portal 2? (If yes, continue to the questions marked below. If no, skip ahead.)
>>OMW, Portal 2 is the best, am I right?
>>Do you ever design chambers via the Perpetual Testing Initiative?
>>Don't you wish Aperture Science was real so that you could be tested to death by GLaDOS? ^_^
>>All hail the Animal King? *giant leopard-spotted turret looms in the distance*
Ah, Portal, it's the best thing ever. So, how do kiwis make you feel?
What about mangoes?
Pineapples?
Plantains?
Did you know that plantains taste kind of like some sort of banana-potato hybrid?
Did you know that I keep asking questions because it's nearly three in the morning and I can't figure out how to stop?
Am I an addict?
Nahhh! Can't be, right? Right! ...Right?
Why is black too dark and yellow too light, but when you put them together you get a darkness with light?
Was that last sentence even coherent?
Did I even intend for that sentence to be coherent? I don't know anymore.
How about we call it a night? I need sleep, and you have a lot of questions to answer.
Ooh, but first: would you rather disembowel your best friend or watch a member of your family commit ritual samurai suicide?
No, no, too dark of a question to end with. Chocolate or vanilla?
Nah, too boring. Tandem skydiving or exorcism lessons?
Yeah, that's a good question. Oh, but another good one is this: could we totally change the name of the Butterfly Effect to the Fist-Pump Effect? I mean, it's the same basic principal, isn't it?
If you could choose the best bad drunken tattoo ever to put on your youngest immediate relative, what would it be?
Are you choosing that because you're trying to compensate for something, or are you being ironic?
Is there a word for the fear of using irony in case you're mistaken for a hipster?
Is there a word for the fear of having that other fear fulfilled in such a way that somebody cuts your nose off?
Is there a word for the fear of hipsters?
Is there a word for the fear of hipsters without noses?
Where did you buy that shirt?
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO STOP ASKING QUESTIONS??
Can I go to sleep now?
So, enjoy answering all of these.
I look forward to your reply.