To date, or not to date?

[Amethystic]

But in no way is it "wrong" to spend time "one on one" and I'm not sure I have figured out WHY that is forbidden by some people. >_>

Can anyone give me the reasoning behind that? )

Well, if my little sister were sitting across the restaurant table, I don't think I'd be as tempted to smother my girlfriend or anything.

If you harbor thoughts about smothering your girlfriend, then you shouldn't be dating anyways.

[SoccerLOTR]

Parents, as our earthly authority, should definitely be a lot more involved than they normally are these days. They also know their children very well and have lots of life experiences and wisdom to share.

See, I don't like... utterly disagree with this, but its sort of a SUPER PERFECT LAND scenario in some aspects. Well, okay, I do agree with the first sentence. But once you establish parents AREN'T as involved as they should be, you can't rely on them to do any of the rest of the paragraph quoted above. Not all parents really do know their children that well, and regardless parents can still make bad decisions as they have not attained Christhood. My main point is a lot of parents simply WON'T be involved so there basically HAS to be a back up plan for all those affected by that... once its established the parents aren't involved, all the rest of the basic courtship stuff doesn't really apply. I love my parents, and I'm sure they love me... but they always trust my judgement and never really had any part in my dating decisions because they had raised me to be intelligent and listen to God so while I suppose if I had asked them something they may have an opinion, there was never really the need. Not to mention my parents are theologically much different than I am so relying on them for spiritual advice isn't always the best option.

I have to agree...I think it really depends on the relationship you have with your parents. Some people get to the point as adults where their parents have become their best friends, and the people who really do know them best and the like. In other situations, that doesn't hold so true I think you should certainly seek their approval, but leaving the entire decision up to them I don't think is ALWAYS the best thing.

And yeah. We have had to sit a friend down and ask them "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING!?" pertaining to their marriage plans.

Lol, know that feeling!

And to address some of the assertions from previous posts, one-on-one dates does not mean at all that you are somehow more genuine around the person. You are focused primarily on wooing that person, and will naturally be putting your best foot forward. When you get to know someone in the context of their family, it's actually a lot easier to see them in a variety of real life situations and gauge their reactions and character from a distance.

If you have conducted real world experiments I would be really interested in seeing your data.

I'm not a really outgoing person. I really clicked with Jessica, but to this day I am a lot more reserved and quiet around her parents and other family members, although I have progressed some in our years of marriage. Frankly, if someone else had always been around, I would have been really boring and quiet and I really doubt she would have been dumb enough to marry such a boring person--although my good looks may have won out in the end. It is hard to say.

I just think... these things can sound nice to some people... and I'm sure they have worked great in some cases... but as a paintbrush "this is the best for everyone to go about this process" it just... doesn't set well with me and I can tell by my own life that it doesn't always work. I'm not a relativist who believes there is no black and white or anything--but God and the Bible don't address these things too directly so I think I'm safe to say that reasonable dating and not relying on family fully isn't heretical. >_>

I should point out that I think spending time with each others family is important--you should spend a lot of time with family. But in no way is it "wrong" to spend time "one on one" and I'm not sure I have figured out WHY that is forbidden by some people. >_>

Can anyone give me the reasoning behind that?

Indeed, I don't act the same around my parents as with my friends. I would definitely be more on my best behavior around my or someone elses' family, and I would not feel comfortable sharing some things with a room full of other people. I am a very private person, so it's hard for me to share some things as it is...much less with people that I didn't have a close connection with.
And Top, in answer to your question about reasoning behind not spending time one-on-one...I'm not absolutely sure since it's not my personal opinion, but I think it deals with concern of doing inappropriate things...? Correct me someone if I am wrong about that.

And don't date someone that you don't love or agree with on money or politics or the Bible.

Money and the Bible, I agree with but, I don't know about politics. I think I could marry a liberal (or conservative). It could actually open up a lot of fun debates.

True that. Really, I think the only thing we'd have to agree on is the basic truths of the Bible. As long as we both have a solid faith, what's wrong with disagreeing about money or politics or Biblical theories? I don't think it would be any fun to only date people that agreed with you entirely on everything. That's not.. real life.

I think the part about money is important for long-term relationships. Here is why: If one person has liberal spending habits and the other is very conservative in spending, there can end up being some BIG money arguments, especially if the couple doesn't make a lot of money. Money issues can destroy a marriage if both people don't have a similar view of how much money should be spent on various things. Once your resources are pooled together, your life depends on each others' ability to save enough money to get by, and if one person has crazy spending habits, there can be some big trouble. I know a couple who is struggling with that right now, and it is frustrating to see

[31899]

But in no way is it "wrong" to spend time "one on one" and I'm not sure I have figured out WHY that is forbidden by some people. >_>

Can anyone give me the reasoning behind that? )

Well, if my little sister were sitting across the restaurant table, I don't think I'd be as tempted to smother my girlfriend or anything.

If you harbor thoughts about smothering your girlfriend, then you shouldn't be dating anyways.

AE, are you reffering to that of Hamlet and Ophelia or that couples shouldn't flirt very much?

I think I'd like to agree on more than just the basics. Also I think it isn't my parents place to tell me who I should spend my life with, as much as I respect their opinion, it's up to God.

31899

[jelly]

While it'd be true that it'd be boring to marry someone who agrees with you on everything, a house divided cannot stand. I want to find someone who, while different from me in their outlook and abilities, still agrees with me on core values so that our kids wouldn't grow up receiving conflicting messages about morality and the Bible.

Obviously you'd reach agreements. I'm not saying we'd have to disagree on everything all the time! But when conflicting beliefs and opinions clash, it's a real test of maturity to resolve and compromise where necessary, and in the end you're a lot closer to each other because you've both made sacrifices for each other.

[Amethystic]

While it'd be true that it'd be boring to marry someone who agrees with you on everything, a house divided cannot stand. I want to find someone who, while different from me in their outlook and abilities, still agrees with me on core values so that our kids wouldn't grow up receiving conflicting messages about morality and the Bible.

Obviously you'd reach agreements. I'm not saying we'd have to disagree on everything all the time! But when conflicting beliefs and opinions clash, it's a real test of maturity to resolve and compromise where necessary, and in the end you're a lot closer to each other because you've both made sacrifices for each other.

True, but morality shouldn't be a point of compromise.

[American Eagle]

But in no way is it "wrong" to spend time "one on one" and I'm not sure I have figured out WHY that is forbidden by some people. >_>

Can anyone give me the reasoning behind that? )

Well, if my little sister were sitting across the restaurant table, I don't think I'd be as tempted to smother my girlfriend or anything.

If you harbor thoughts about smothering your girlfriend, then you shouldn't be dating anyways.

Haha, true. I don't even have a girlfriend. Just saying.

[Amethystic]

Just to clarify, were you talking about the ushy-gushy kissing-type smothering, or the hold-a-pillow-over-her-face-until-she-stops-moving type smothering? Because I thought you meant the latter.

[jelly]

Obviously AE harbors thoughts about killing his girlfriend when no one else is around.

[American Eagle]

I have to keep siblings with me always.

No seriously, I was referring to option #1. The second never crossed my mind.

[31899]

Warning: To whoever dates Amelia, watch your back and don't go to sword and gun shows.

Extra Warning: To whoever dates AE, watch your back, he won't admit he killed you.

31899

[Amethystic]

Warning: To whoever dates Amelia, watch your back and don't go to sword and gun shows.

That made my day. Yeah, watch out boys, I'm a wild one.

[jelly]

I don't think it would be physically possible for me to date Amy. I'd somehow end up dead.

[Musical Shutterbug]

I would come to your funeral.


My thoughts on dating:

#1: People shouldn't be dating unless they are seriously and honestly considering marriage with that particular person. Otherwise, what's the point?

#2: Dating is fine...as long as you also spend time with the person in a more social setting, such as parties with friends, church, etc. You need to learn how the person behaves when they're not trying to impress you on a date...how they behave around their peers and elders.

That's about it...

[Amethystic]

I don't think it would be physically possible for me to date Amy. I'd somehow end up dead.

*pats head* You're probably right.

[Dr. Watson]

The only thing I dislike about courting is that I'm going to have to pay 5 oxen and 2 sheep to her dad so I can court her.

[Musical Shutterbug]

The only thing I dislike about courting is that I going to have to pay 5 oxen and 2 sheep to her dad so I can court her.

We girls don't have to pay nuttin' !

[Mimi]

My thoughts on dating:

#1: People shouldn't be dating unless they are seriously and honestly considering marriage with that particular person. Otherwise, what's the point?

#2: Dating is fine...as long as you also spend time with the person in a more social setting, such as parties with friends, church, etc. You need to learn how the person behaves when they're not trying to impress you on a date...how they behave around their peers and elders.

That's about it...

I agree!
SoccerLOTR, Amethystic and KBT: I was gonna answer what ya all said on pg. 2 but my computer is misbehaving.
By the way, I must have really worded what I said badly. 'cause i was not talking about arranged marriage!

[odysseyfan1]

We don't technically date til we're older. But yeah dating's fine. (Just don't be kissing and going overboard)

[King Butter Turtle]

And don't date someone that you don't love or agree with on money or politics or the Bible.

Money and the Bible, I agree with but, I don't know about politics. I think I could marry a liberal (or conservative). It could actually open up a lot of fun debates.

True that. Really, I think the only thing we'd have to agree on is the basic truths of the Bible. As long as we both have a solid faith, what's wrong with disagreeing about money or politics or Biblical theories? I don't think it would be any fun to only date people that agreed with you entirely on everything. That's not.. real life.

I agree with, say, Pentecostals about the basic truths of the Bible, but I'd have a hard time marrying a girl if she's like calling spirits in our basement. >_>

To my Pentecostal friends, I know you guys don't really call spirits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orNscUg8tPg&feature=related

Why doesn't the youtube thing work on some videos?

I think the part about money is important for long-term relationships. Here is why: If one person has liberal spending habits and the other is very conservative in spending, there can end up being some BIG money arguments, especially if the couple doesn't make a lot of money. Money issues can destroy a marriage if both people don't have a similar view of how much money should be spent on various things. Once your resources are pooled together, your life depends on each others' ability to save enough money to get by, and if one person has crazy spending habits, there can be some big trouble. I know a couple who is struggling with that right now, and it is frustrating to see

Yes, for example, since I think all money is evil , any girl who likes shopping and/or stuff can't marry me.



...Maybe I should join a monastery.

Just to clarify, were you talking about the ushy-gushy kissing-type smothering, or the hold-a-pillow-over-her-face-until-she-stops-moving type smothering? Because I thought you meant the latter.

I'm totally imagining AE in a booth in a restaurant with his girlfriend stuffing a pillow in her face while his sister sits on the other side watching.

[Amethystic]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orNscUg8 ... re=related

Well-stated.

Just to clarify, were you talking about the ushy-gushy kissing-type smothering, or the hold-a-pillow-over-her-face-until-she-stops-moving type smothering? Because I thought you meant the latter.

I'm totally imagining AE in a booth in a restaurant with his girlfriend stuffing a pillow in her face while his sister sits on the other side watching.

XD Yeah, 'cause they're sociopathic like that.