Bernard's Advice Thread!

Bernard Walton · Post by **Bernard Walton** » Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:41 pm

Well, some of the kids got me to do this, but since I AM older and probably wiser than most of you youngsters, feel free to ask me advice on any given situation. I'll tell it like it is!

Bmuntz · Post by **Bmuntz** » Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:55 pm

I am having trust issues with other member on the board. He/She (I am not sure) doesn’t come through on there commitments. What should I do?

Post by **Catspaw** » Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:24 pm

Bernard, you are my problem. I know that you're rather middle-aged, but I still find your sense of humour intensely attractive. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that if I tell others about this crush that I have on you, others might be jealous. How should I handle this situation?

Also, in Poor Loser, did you really think that Connie had a crush on you, just because she wanted to talk to you?

EK · Post by EK » Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:26 pm

Bernard Walton wrote:Well, some of the kids got me to do this, but since I AM older and probably wiser than most of you youngsters, feel free to ask me advice on any given situation. I'll tell it like it is!

Why am I so awesome? $\:D/$

Taq · Post by **Taq** » Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:42 pm

You have quite a few siblings. What are some general tips you can give me for getting along with them?

Frank · Post by **Frank** » Sun Jul 17, 2005 9:20 pm

Itaque wrote:You have quite a few siblings. What are some general tips you can give me for getting along with them?

That one sounds familiar...

How do you discreetly tell someone that they have bad breath?

Evil Chick · Post by **Evil Chick** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:45 am

How do you wash windows correctly?

Taq · Post by **Taq** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:23 pm

Evil Chick wrote:How do you wash windows correctly?

I remember Bernard explaining his squeegee method to Eugene or someone in one episode. It was a very precise way, if I recall correctly.

I do hope Bernard comes back!

Robert Mitchell · Post by **Robert Mitchell** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 5:11 pm

How do I make money quickly?

Dr. Watson · Post by **Dr. Watson** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:24 pm

Robert Mitchell wrote:How do I make money quickly?

Easy--post as much as Chandler or Trent DeWhite!

J-man · Post by **J-man** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:38 pm

And J-man

Trent DeWhite · Post by **Trent DeWhite** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:56 pm

Dr. Watson wrote:
Robert Mitchell wrote:How do I make money quickly?
Easy--post as much as Chandler or Trent DeWhite!

Trent DeWhite? Post... much?

J-man · Post by **J-man** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:57 pm

Also, if you make longer posts, you make a lot more money.

Trent DeWhite · Post by **Trent DeWhite** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:58 pm

Just be sure your post has a decent amount of substance...

Robert Mitchell · Post by **Robert Mitchell** » Sat Jul 23, 2005 12:10 pm

Trent DeWhite wrote:Just be sure your post has a decent amount of substance...

Why?

Eugene Blackgaard · Post by **Eugene Blackgaard** » Sat Jul 23, 2005 12:19 pm

It'd be nice is Mr. Walton would ANSWER some of these. -_-;

Taq · Post by **Taq** » Sat Jul 23, 2005 4:15 pm

Eugene Blackgaard wrote:It'd be nice is Mr. Walton would ANSWER some of these. -_-;

I believe he abandoned us.

Bernard Walton · Post by **Bernard Walton** » Sun Sep 25, 2005 10:12 pm

Well stuff me with spice and call me a chilli pepper! Where in the world was I when all these questions were being asked? Ah well, better late than never I suppose.

Bmuntz wrote:I am having trust issues with other member on the board. He/She (I am not sure) doesn’t come through on there commitments. What should I do?

You should go up to that person and say "HEY! COME THROUGH ON YOUR COMMITMENTS, YA LAZY BUM!"

Or, if that dosen't work you could always try asking him niceley, but, I prefer the straightforward version better.

Catspaw wrote:Bernard, you are my problem. I know that you're rather middle-aged, but I still find your sense of humour intensely attractive. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that if I tell others about this crush that I have on you, others might be jealous. How should I handle this situation?

Also, in Poor Loser, did you really think that Connie had a crush on you, just because she wanted to talk to you?

RATHER Middle Aged? Why, I'll have you know young lady that I-- what now... you find my humor attractive? Well, gee thanks! That's really nice of you to say that. Err... I mean, not that this is the first time a woman has ever told me that, ha ha, noo... *cough*

Anyways, you pretty much just blew your cover, kiddo, but you're far to young even for a strapping spring chicken like myself. Why don't you try someone more up your alley, like, say, Rodney Rathbone. Now he's a nice fella! *hack* Eh... chest cold.

And as for Connie, of COURSE she had a crush on me! All the ladies around here do! But none of them cook... I mean... look as good as my Maude.

Eon Spitfire EK V2.exe wrote:
Bernard Walton wrote:Well, some of the kids got me to do this, but since I AM older and probably wiser than most of you youngsters, feel free to ask me advice on any given situation. I'll tell it like it is!
Why am I so awesome? $\:D/$

Because of your amazing humility.

Next!

Itaque wrote:You have quite a few siblings. What are some general tips you can give me for getting along with them?

If one of your older siblings suggest throwing the youngest sibling into a pit and selling him/her into slavery, for goodness sakes talk some sense into that sibling! Last thing we need is one of these kids ruling over Egypt.

Frank wrote:
Itaque wrote:You have quite a few siblings. What are some general tips you can give me for getting along with them?
That one sounds familiar...

How do you discreetly tell someone that they have bad breath?

My tried and true method. Buy some breath improving gum, and replace the package with juicy fruit or maybe the hot red kind. Then offer the stinker a piece of gum! With the switched package, he won't get your subtle message untill it's too late!

Evil Chick wrote:How do you wash windows correctly?

You hire Bernard Walton to do it for you. Next!

Itaque wrote:I do hope Bernard comes back!

Why, have I gone somewhere?

Robert Mitchell wrote:How do I make money quickly?

Well, I wouldn't know, but Bart Rathbone just "shared" with me his method the other day.

Step 1. Create a booklet entitled How to get rich quick.
Step 2. Sell it for 260 dollars a piece.
Step 3. Print in the book steps 1-4.
Step 4. Fill up yer swimming pool with all the cash and go for a dip!

Good ol' Bart.

Eugene Blackgaard wrote:It'd be nice is Mr. Walton would ANSWER some of these. -_-;

Well sell the farm and paint me blue, a hippy is giving me a lecture on laziness. It really is an upside down world.

Itaque wrote:
Eugene Blackgaard wrote:It'd be nice is Mr. Walton would ANSWER some of these. -_-;
I believe he abandoned us.

Hey, I always finish what I start! Unless of course it's "Aunt Beatrice's Christmas FruitMeatloafCake Surprise".

Thanks for writing me everyone! I'll leave now, there are windows to be washed!

-B

Elf of Rivendell · Post by **Elf of Rivendell** » Sun Sep 25, 2005 10:17 pm

Dear Bernard,

My sister and I share a bed, and she always moves around in her sleep and makes strange noises. What should I do?

Post by **Catspaw** » Sun Sep 25, 2005 10:36 pm

My dearest Bernard,

Your rejection has hurt me deeply.

I had so hoped that we would be able to have a future together. Regarding your suggestion that I turn to Rodney, I first must ask if his tonsils are in good condition. I refuse to date a man with unhealthy tonsils.

I eagerly await your response, my dear Bernard. I think you look cute in your window washer's outfit.

Yours,
Catspaw

The Town of Odyssey

Bernard's Advice Thread!

Bernard's Advice Thread!

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