Corrupt-a-wish!

[Petrichor]

Granted! The FDA has just rebranded brussels sprouts and kale as candy.

I wish that I had an extra hour to sleep in the morning.

[Bob]

Granted; it'll be here Nov 7. It's a loan, not a gift, so you'll have to give it back in a few months.

I wish that my hands were always clean.

[coffeeappreciation]

Wish granted, however the next time you ever have to get your fingerprints done, you'll risk getting stuck in an infinite rescheduling time loop, as your hands are SO clean the ridges have worn on your thumbs and no one can successfully scan them.

I wish dog hair was easier to vacuum.

[Bob]

Granted. Vacuums are dog hair magnets. Your dogs are nearly traumatized from numerous experiences where your vacuum nearly took off their coats. Also, vacuum cleaner breakdowns increase tenfold, due to constantly being clogged with dog hair.

I wish that I could teleport to any place I've been to before.

[coffeeappreciation]

Wish granted, but a chicken was standing at exactly the point you teleported into and you both morphed so that you look like a chicken but retain all your human mental faculties. No one can understand your chicken-scratch.

I wish I could go on a year-long road-trip.

[Bob]

Granted. You decide to visit all 50 state capitols, on foot. After a grueling journey, you return home the same way, to find that people are auctioning off all of your property.

I wish that I could turn invisible.

[Polehaus53]

Wish granted. You turn invisible and are able to sneak around, undetected. However, you are unable to become visible again and find out that being invisible has its downsides. You are constantly being bumped into by people in crowded areas and have to constantly switch seats to avoid being sat on while in churches, movie theaters, buses, airplanes, and anywhere else where you have to sit. Everybody you try to speak to cannot see you and think they are hearing things and ignore you. When it snows, people witness footprints appearing out of nowhere and think that you are a ghost, prompting several people to attempt catching you. Then, one day you are at the city's largest mall in an overcrowded elevator and are smothered between people. This is usually not a problem for short rides, but then the elevator gets stuck for eight hours and you die from suffocation. Your body stays in the elevator and rots and decays unseen, causing people to wonder what the horrid smell is. The health inspector shuts down the mall, putting hundreds of people out of jobs, thus resulting in an economic crisis for the whole city.

I wish I could bring famous historical people to the present time.

[coffeeappreciation]

Wish granted. After weighing as many of the possible ramifications of your newfound ability as you can muster, you decide to introduce your chosen historical people to the present time in the most thoughtful way that you can manage, given the means that you have in your possession. You have set up your every room in your home in the style of their times so as to not shock them entirely when they arrive, and you take painful measures to not have them interact with each other immediately. In effect, you have orchestrated the most interesting Conference Center in existence, past or present. Eager to have this one-on-one experience with each one, and have them meet each other, you call them forth one by one and have the most pleasant and fulfilling conversations that you could ever have imagined. Unfortunately, as soon as you step outside of your home to take a break in the form of a brisk walk, you get shot thru the heart via poisoned arrow by one of the local native peoples who have surrounded your home, which to them is a hideous and other worldly contraption they have been eyeing very carefully for hours at this point. The figures you brought to the present were plucked out of their timelines entirely, and all their future contributions made suddenly nonexistent. You picked some of the most interesting ones, so the world's current progress has been set back by several thousand years.

I wish I could read a book by flipping through all the pages very quickly.


...
Didn't want to double post so.

to find that people are auctioning off all of your property.

my biggest fear

Granted! but then the rapture happens and you lose it forever.

I wish I had a boatload of flaminghot cheetos (I eat stale ones, yum.)

I just... I'm reading through all these old ones and cracking up so hard.

[Bob]

I wish I could read a book by flipping through all the pages very quickly.

Granted. Unfortunately, you discover that just because you can read it quickly doesn't mean you retain the information any better than when you read it at a normal pace. Moreover, as you only wished you could read 'a book', this power is single-use. It's too bad you decided to try out your power re-reading your third-grade math workbook.

I wish that everyone spoke, wrote and thought in King James English.

[Patterson]

I wish that everyone spoke, wrote and thought in King James English.

Patterson 11:8-21

Thy boon be granteth thee. Yea, thy wish shall be thus administered upon the inhabitants of the earth. Alas, amongst the peoples, the fair form of speech became abused in all utterances. And it repented the granter that he had allowed the wish, and it grieved him in his heart. And his wrath waxed hot upon the peoples and he sought ban their accounts. And the moderator rebuked the granter saying thus, "I am The Moderator, thy Mod, and thou wilt know thy place. Hast thou permissions like the Mod? Canst thou changest the wording of thy rank or deal with spammers accordingly?" The granter replied thus, "Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes." And the Mod in their abundant mercy spake thus, "I wilt forgive thee thine trespass and resetteth the tongues and minds of all the peoples accounts to modern english."

(The dialog of the Mod is fictitious and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of any actual moderators.) Please have mercy on my weird humor!

I wish my car would run again.

[coffeeappreciation]

(I am not a mod but I thought that was awesome.)

Wish granted. Your car can run, but it can't hide (in most places.)
Thankfully, you caught up with it before any police man or concerned citizen could report the unmanned vehicle prancing on its rear tires. You convinced it to get back down by offering it premium gas in exchange. However, prices are high right now and you had to hold off on fulfilling that. It runs off again.

[Bob]

Granted. All the written material you've ever turned in for school in your life become blank, as well as the grades, and all records thereof. With no proof of your background, you'll have to take a GED test (and hopefully pass it!), and any college work or degrees you may have are all down the drain. Just be glad the same thing didn't happen to your birth certificate!

I wish that wireless internet never existed!