Jokes
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Tractor107
- Tallying up
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- Joined: December 2007
- Location: Where the Army puts us!
Jokes
Post your favorite(clean) jokes here.
1 Timothy 4:12 "Do not let anyone look down onn you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in life, in speech, in love, in purity, and in faith."
I can't tell my joke about the french fry that fell in the mud?
StrongNChrist 1991-2011
Use the chatroom! It's been active for a year, and most of you are missing it.
" - Jelly
" - American Eagle
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The Artful Dodger
- Still standing tall
- Posts: 1385
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- Location: Picking pockets in London
haha, dan...
I love jokes. But I don't really know any. I mean there's the painful ones like the monk, the pingpong balls, and the "tis" bottle. But I don't feel like typing those up
I love jokes. But I don't really know any. I mean there's the painful ones like the monk, the pingpong balls, and the "tis" bottle. But I don't feel like typing those up
Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said, 'goodbye.' And you were like, 'no, wait.' And then I was all, 'we pretended we were going to murder you.' That was great...
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Hannahjiejie
- Animatronic
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Haha! The ping pong ball one! You gotta love it. Dodge'll appriciate this - in a remote sort of way. But during 3rd period @ co-op Jerms and I have study hall and we had a party last week b/c of the Christmas concert etc. Well, we just stood around and told jokes and I told that one. 'Twas funny. Thankfully, though, I didn't get tackled like my brother has once after he told it.The Artful Dodger wrote:haha, dan...
I love jokes. But I don't really know any. I mean there's the painful ones like the monk, the pingpong balls, and the "tis" bottle. But I don't feel like typing those up
My Joke
A lady and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The lady, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the lady's attention and figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The lady doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he send e-mails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the lady and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the lady and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the lady reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00 and goes back to sleep.
Last edited by Hannahjiejie on Tue Dec 23, 2008 5:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I think that blonde jokes are ok... 
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door
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King Butter Turtle
- Expecting a battle
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Over the Rainbow
- Blissfully Oblivious
- Posts: 3086
- Joined: March 2008
- Location: ...somewhere over the rainbow...
A blonde found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. She went to his house and found him with another girl. She put a gun to her head and he shouted, "No!" to which she quickly replied: "Don't worry, you're next."
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A blonde was found crying on her front yard, her neighbor ran over and exclaimed:
"What's wrong?"
"My mother died." she answered.
And than after comforting her, the neighbor went home. The next day, she found her again, crying.
"Why are you crying?" she asked.
"My sister called, her Mother died too!"
I hope this jokes do not offend anyone.
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A blonde was found crying on her front yard, her neighbor ran over and exclaimed:
"What's wrong?"
"My mother died." she answered.
And than after comforting her, the neighbor went home. The next day, she found her again, crying.
"Why are you crying?" she asked.
"My sister called, her Mother died too!"
I hope this jokes do not offend anyone.
An elderly lady takes her pet chihuahua to africa on holiday and they sign up for a photo safari (spell right I think?). During the hustle and bustle of the safari, however, the chihuahua gets separated from the rest of the group and finds itself in the grasslands alone.
Then it sees some lion bones lying around and starts to get a little nervous, glancing around every so often. As it does so, it's gaze passes over another lion, alive, hiding in the tall grass a few yards away looking hungry. The chihuahua pretends not to see it, though, and turns it's back to it and licks one of the lion bones on the ground. "That was a delicious lion!" the chihuahua says, "I wonder if there are any more around here..."
At this the lion stalking it turns heel and takes off through the grass, much to the chihuahua's relief. But a monkey who saw the whole thing scampers after the lion and tells it what happened. The lion is outraged an says to the monkey, "Come back here and I'll show you what happens to people who mess with the king!"
As the lion approaches, the chihuahua is even more alarmed but, again, pretends not to notice. As the lion gets close, it says just loudly enough for the lion to hear, "Where is that monkey?! I sent it away an hour ago to come bring me another lion!"
Then it sees some lion bones lying around and starts to get a little nervous, glancing around every so often. As it does so, it's gaze passes over another lion, alive, hiding in the tall grass a few yards away looking hungry. The chihuahua pretends not to see it, though, and turns it's back to it and licks one of the lion bones on the ground. "That was a delicious lion!" the chihuahua says, "I wonder if there are any more around here..."
At this the lion stalking it turns heel and takes off through the grass, much to the chihuahua's relief. But a monkey who saw the whole thing scampers after the lion and tells it what happened. The lion is outraged an says to the monkey, "Come back here and I'll show you what happens to people who mess with the king!"
As the lion approaches, the chihuahua is even more alarmed but, again, pretends not to notice. As the lion gets close, it says just loudly enough for the lion to hear, "Where is that monkey?! I sent it away an hour ago to come bring me another lion!"
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Shad Lexer
- Ignorance of the law is no excuse
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King Butter Turtle
- Expecting a battle
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King Butter Turtle
- Expecting a battle
- Posts: 4706
- Joined: March 2008
- Location: Marus
- Contact:
I like this one(s).A joke wrote:After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor!
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
ToO siblings: Donna Blackbeard, Perron, Evil Chick, American Eagle, Stubborn, Shadowfax, and thelordismyshepherd (aka Anna), but StrongNChrist is my twin!
StrongNChrist, deceased 03-25-11, requiescat in pace
